bhenry Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I love a good joke and I'm sure there are plenty available on this forum. Here's one: Q: Have you ever smelled moth balls? A: Yes, I have. Q: How did you get their legs apart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groomlakearea51 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Alert!! WAF alert...[:-*] There are some really tempting ones, but if I don't get in trouble with my wife first (who is standing behind me....), I'd certainly be "banned". In fact, I'll ban myself for about 15 minutes later today for even thinking about some of them..... [H] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boom3 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 A very old church social joke: A kid comes home from Sunday school, and his father asks him what he learned. "I learned Jesus was a Democrat!" the boy announces. "How do you figure that?" his bemused patriarch wonders. "Well, the teacher said Jesus ate with Republicans and sinners!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerolW Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of drugs? This music sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbuckster Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Yeah, the Yankees offering Joe Torre a pay-cut !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted October 22, 2007 Moderators Share Posted October 22, 2007 A game warden stopped an old Cajun and asked to see his hunting license and noticed he had his limit of ducks but he did not have a gun. He asked the old Cajun how did you get these ducks, the old Cajun replied when they fly buy I just jump out of the duck blind and make an ugly face at them and they just drop dead ! The game warden didn't belive him so he said lets go to the blind and you can show me. Sure enough after they sat a while some ducks flew over and the old Cajun jumped up and made a ugly face and the ducks just fell out of the sky dead ! When they got back to land the game warden said I have never seen anything like that in my life ! The old Cajun said my wife is much better than me ! The game warden said why don't you bring her with you to hunt ? The old Cajun said no way, she bust'em up to bad ! [:|] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seti Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 One of my favorite penguin jokes ever and told by monkeys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX3ftBQNRxs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boom3 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 A game warden stopped an old Cajun and asked to see his hunting license and noticed he had his limit of ducks but he did not have a gun. He asked the old Cajun how did you get these ducks, the old Cajun replied when they fly buy I just jump out of the duck blind and make an ugly face at them and they just drop dead ! The game warden didn't belive him so he said lets go to the blind and you can show me. Sure enough after they sat a while some ducks flew over and the old Cajun jumped up and made a ugly face and the ducks just fell out of the sky dead ! When they got back to land the game warden said I have never seen anything like that in my life ! The old Cajun said my wife is much better than me ! The game warden said why don't you bring her with you to hunt ? The old Cajun said no way, she bust'em up to bad ! [:|] Thanks for that one, Dtel...I seem to remember Justin Wilson telling that one years ago on his cooking show. Here's another Justin joke: A guy comes in off the oil rigs and goes to the barbershop. He says, "Shoot de works!" So he's geting a haircut, shave and a manicure. He starts to make time with the pretty manicurist. She smiles but is coy. " Girl, I got a lil' cabin near Bay San' Loois where de moon shine so bright on de water" She says, "Dat's nice" He continues to chat her up, but she is not really interested. "Sorry babe, but I got a husband, and he don't like other men sayin' sweet nuthins to me"" "You gotta husband, well dat's don't mean nuthin' to me. Where you husband now?" "Dat's de man fixin' to shave your neck with dat straight razor!" [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted October 23, 2007 Moderators Share Posted October 23, 2007 Yep that was one of Justin's jokes, a long time ago he had put out some joke albums, had a couple, can't remember of the jokes though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I heard Archie Bunker tell this one in a rerun (duh) of All In The Family: Apriest and a rabbi were having lunch together. The priest asksthe rabbi, "Hey, how come you don't eat ham?" The rabbi replies,"It's against my religion. Why don't you go out withgirls?" The priest answers, "It's against my religion." The rabbi leans over and says, "You should try it! It's better than ham!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flannj Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 As told in a recent Neil Steinberg column: A woman saw her husband crashing around the living room, flailing away with a fly swatter. "Dija get any flies, Wyatt Earp?" she said, with asperity. The husband looked at her for a long moment. "Yes I did," he said. "Three males and two females." "How," retorted the wife, "could you tell?" "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djk Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Q: How do you make a drummer play quietly?????????? A: Stick a sheet of music in front of him. Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and an electric guitar? A: About three decibels. Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding banjo player running around in your back yard? A: Stop laughing and shoot again. Q: How do you get a drummer off of your porch? A: Pay him for the pizza. Q: How did the drummer make his car go faster? A: He reduced the wind drag by removing the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof. Q: How does one guitar player greet another? A: "Hi. I'm better than you." Q: You're in a motel room with an underage girl at 4AM and you hear a loud knocking on the door, is it her father? A: The knocking speeds up (it's just the drummer). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boom3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 From Prarie Home Companion: An accordian player, with his accordian in the back seat of his car, stops at a rest stop on the highway. When he comes back to his car, his worst fears have been realized: Someone has smashed his car window and left another accortdian beside his. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boom3 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Paul was quoted in Rolling Stone as telling this one: An Aggie* decides to get a summer job as a lumberjack. The boss hands him a chain saw and tells him to cut a certain quota of wood. At day's end, the Aggie comes back, exhausted but having cut his quota. The boss takes the chain saw, looks at it, and yanks the starter rope. "What's that noise?" shrieks the Aggie. *student at an A&M college. This term is passing out of public use now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mighty Favog Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Joke of the day?? Some of the people I work with.............[*-)] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flannj Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Five out of four people don't know their fractions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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