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A best insult competition?


Colin

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How about " you've got more nerve than a rotten tooth " ?

6.gif

"A few bricks short of a load"

"A few fries short of a happy meal"

"Nice building, too bad it's condemned"

"Did you get your driver's licence from a gumball machine"

"I've backed up more miles than you have gone ahead"

"Shut your piehole"

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I think, no, no I am certain that you are the most unattractive man I have met in my entire life. In the short time that I have known you, you have demonstrated all of the loathsome characteristics of the male personality, AND even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, morally reprehensible, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You know, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Cher, Witches of Eastwick http://www.coolquotescollection.com/cat/movie/28/

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Years ago David Niven was introducing an award at the Academy Awards when a streaker ran across the stage behind him:

Niven said with a perfectly straight face " I don't understand why some people need to flaunt their shortcomings ! "

I howled at the time but later learned that the streaking was a putup job. I don't know whether Niven's shot was scripted or not.

Great line though!

Dorothy Parker and Hedda Hopper Loved to Loathe each other and rarely passed on an opportunity to humiliate each other. On one occasion they arrived at a doorway at the same time:

Hopper (stepping aside): Age before beauty!

Parker (sailing past without missing a step ): Pearls before swine!

Off Topic ( As in definitely scripted: )

W.C. Fields had a running gag in his radio series. He was forever being accosted by middle aged women who either attempted to reform him or who loudly commiserated with him regarding his various failures and/or misfortunes:

Fluttering Middle Aged Commiserator:

Oh Mr. Fields ! I am so sorry that you buried your wife yesterday !

Fields:

Had to !................. Died!

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A blind guy sits down at the bar and asks if the bartender would like to hear a good blonde joke.

Bartender: Well, first of all, I am blonde, second of all, the woman sitting next to you is blonde and a black belt in karate. The person sitting two stools down from you on the opposite side is a blonde biker, and there are two blonde championship weight-lifters shooting pool behind you. Now, do you think you still want to tell us your blonde joke?

Blindman: No, I've changed my mind. I don't want to have to explain the joke 5 times! 9.gif (Rimshot implied)

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