Another dramatic life event� :(

[jacksonbart]

Damn ...

howd all you guy's gettem to Move Out ...????

LOL.

[Marvel]

The jealousy is killing me right now... even though in my mind I

realise that I honestly have more to offer than this other guy.

I'm just not new.

New shouldn't even be part of the equation. The relationship and committment is what you make it.

After 35 plus years, I didn't want anyone else, nor did my wife. Being alive here just wasn't in His plan.

[m00n]

Sorry for not checking in this last week, but I was out of town. We had a planned vacation to Cuba before all this happened, and as difficult as it sounds... I went anyways.

Wow... Good for you! Did you have any company with you? Also, there is absolutly no reason to feel sorry.

The jealousy is killing me right now...

It's maddening, I know, I've been there. I don't want to be a thread hijacker so I won't go into the details, but I've been there.

[steamer]

I understand where you are.My girlfriend of 3 years decided she didnt know where she was in life.Her divorce came thru last summer and I guess I got rebounded.She moved out this Jan.I am still torn up and trying to pick up the pieces.Music helps and it takes time.Everyone says go out and find another one.I dont think they understand that it is not that easy.My feelings ran deep and I dont think I could just fall in love with someone else at this time.I would probably end up rebounding her and no one deserves that.

Good luck and think positive.

Greg

[Tom Adams]

Man, between lovedrummin' and formica, I feel like you guys have crawled inside my head, and then wrote what I've been feeling/living for the last month. Work suffering? Yep. Excited about audio? Nope. Eager to take the boat out? What's the use. Go for a motorcycle ride. Nahhhhh......too hot. Watch a movie in the HT. Nahhhh....just have to rent a movie then take it back. And on & on it goes. []

I still feel very strongly that it boils down to one word - committment. For anyone less than 40 years old (please - don't take this as a slam. It's just MHO), the message most of your life has been ME, ME, ME. Quick solutions, instant gratification. Boss is a jerk? Screw 'em and quit. Relationship not working for you? Then just bail. Society approves. The result is one fails to truly understand what being committed is all about. Because truly being committed will pull you through the bad times. We're also never told that marriage needs just as much attention as that HT project or one's carreer. So how many of us actually "work" on our marriage? Oh well.....I'll shut up now for I'll probably just say something that will get my *** flamed.

As for your issue Duke....it's real simple. You have applied the "he who cares least, wins" principle to perfection. The result is that they won't leave. You want her to go? Start acting like you want her to stay and act like you truly care about her. She'll be gone in 3 days - 5 tops. It's this same principle that causes us "nice guys" to scratch our heads and say, "I just don't get it" when we see some nice looking chick with a bum of a guy. He doesn't care about her and doesn't kiss her ***. Which makes her want him even more. You think I'm full of sh*t? Just get some women with serious game to answer you honestly and they'll tell you that's exactly what happens. They'll also tell you that the more you try to be nice the more likely you'll be used as a door mat. Remember......he who cares least, wins.

Tom

[Marvel]

Tom,

Gotta agree about the committment. But strongly disagree agree about the "he who cares least" bit. My wife and I were married for five years, and had a bit of that going on. I was into my music, she was a rather radical feminist. Doomed from the start. We divorced, partly due to a guy who told her he could show her how to get to God (maybe god with a small 'g') He beat her up constantly, broke a rib, broke an eardrum. She finally escaped. She became a believer (here it is, out in the open -- a full blown Christian). I also had, during the time we were apart. We remarried -- total committment to one another and total committment to Jesus. So I'm preachin' it now. That is the only way to stay together. Total trust in each other. No fear of the other running around on you. Knowing you will stay together and work it out. That's how we made it another 28 years together. When you start taking care of someone with cancer till the end of their life, you really start to understand committment.

I'm done.

[Duke Spinner]

As for your issue Duke....it's real simple. You have applied the "he who cares least, wins" principle to perfection. The result is that they won't leave. You want her to go? Start acting like you want her to stay and act like you truly care about her. She'll be gone in 3 days - 5 tops. . Remember......he who cares least, wins.

Tom

Actually, Tom ...

you are, wether you realize it, or not

1000% correct

it's called BS& LI

Bright, Shiny, and Lovingly Indifferent.............

It is a Therapy reccommended attitude

for the kind of crap my wife has given me for 15 years......................

sadly enough, I do care way too much

[formica]

New shouldn't even be part of the equation. The relationship and committment is what you make it.

Unfortunately... I'm not the one who should be hearing that. From

what I can understand is the comfort and support two people can bring

each other isn't as important as the excitement. Remember that isn't my

opinion... but my interpretation of what they are feeling.

Perhaps somewhere down the road, they will change their view as

well... but it'll make no difference to me by then.

Wow... Good for you! Did you have any company with

you? Also, there is absolutly no reason to feel sorry.

Believe it or not... I went with her, as friends, at her

request. Condition was we didn't talk about it at all, and no

attempts at winning anyone back. It's much harder than it sounds,

and as one friend told me... it takes balls. I pulled it off,

even if it didn't change anything except earn myself some respect.

Cuba, BTW, is great destination especially if you want to easily and

safely mix with the locals in a "third world" country.

It's maddening, I know, I've been there. I don't

want to be a thread hijacker so I won't go into the details, but I've

been there.

It's honestly eating me alive. I can't get my mind off him, if

she's announced the news, if they are hanging, and if she'll ever tell

anyone the actual thing that made her decide to leave? I know I

should think about myself, but my mind just keeps coming back to that.

Everyone says go out and find another one.I dont

think they understand that it is not that easy.My feelings ran deep and

I dont think I could just fall in love with someone else at this

time.

"At this time"... are the correct words... because I did find another

one after my wife left. I just didn't expect the EXACTsame thing

to happen again...

Man, between lovedrummin' and formica, I feel

like you guys have crawled inside my head, and then wrote what I've

been feeling/living for the last month. Work suffering?

Yep. Excited about audio? Nope. Eager to take the

boat out? What's the use. Go for a motorcycle ride.

Nahhhhh......too hot. Watch a movie in the HT.

Nahhhh....just have to rent a movie then take it back. And on

& on it goes.

Tom, do me the favour and take your bike out. I know you like

riding... get back on even if you don't feel like it. You have to

prove to yourself that you don't NEED anyone...

Sounds weird coming from me? Well... experience and watching my

mom pull through my dad's death a couple of months ago, has shown

me that we have a lot of things to prove to ourselves and no one to

push us.

I went out today and bought myself tickets to go see Front Line

Assembly next weekend... I really enjoy music concerts and it was

an activity my girlfriend and I frequently did. I'm convinced I

don't need anyone to keep enjoying it.

They'll also tell you that the more you try to

be nice the more likely you'll be used as a door mat.

Remember......he who cares least, wins.

I'm fu¢ked.

...strongly disagree agree about the "he who cares

least" bit. My wife and I were married for five years, and had a bit of

that going on. I was into my music, she was a rather radical feminist.

Doomed from the start. We divorced, partly due to a guy who told her he

could show her how to get to God (maybe god with a small 'g') He beat

her up constantly, broke a rib, broke an eardrum.

No offence... but doesn't that show the opposite? I think we know

you pretty well on here and I wasn't even sure if I should bring this

up... but I don't think you'll take this the wrong way.

I mean your wife had to live through a pretty dramatic experience to

realise that nice guys are actually nice to be with? You did get

her back and she realised how much you were offering her in the first

place (I'm figuring you were a nice guy from the start, right?)

As much as I love her, or perhaps because I love her... I honestly

can't wish that kind of experience onto my gf in order to get her

back. If she ever does realise it on her own.. it'll probably be too late.

I think I do have an advantage that I don't actually look like mr nice

guy... but once I'm in, I can help putting my women on pedestals.

I'm fu¢ked.

ROb

[Jay481985]

I'm fu¢ked.

ROb

no you're not

[SilverSport]

Jay is right...

Bill

[formica]

I hope you guys don't mind if I continue to use this post a little as a

personal blog. Sometimes writing and sharing things helps...

versus keeping them bottled up.

Although it's been technically over two weeks she "left" me....

I'm approaching the one-week mark of no contact what-so-ever. The

emptiness is beginning to set in... and I truly miss her

companionship. There is nothing that I can do right now... from

trying to get her back (she'll feel forced), telling her how she hurt

me (it'll only make her feel attacked), to telling her I love her (she

already knows).

I've been getting quite a bit of support from online friends (some

members here as well as a couple other long time e-cquaintances), as

well as my very small family. With my dad's passing only 3 months

ago, we are all doing are best.

I have been getting out of the house as much as I can... even if

it's just walking around downtown. I'm trying not to stay home

and sulking too much, but it's just so easy to do. Unfortunately

my home renovation plans (apart from my HT, I have several other small

things going) are all somewhat on pause.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do next. On

a large scope right now... I'm looking to rebuild my confidence, and

make a life of my own. It's not as easy as it sounds given my

life has been so tightly wrapped around these two last women, that I

honestly don't have much of one.

I've done some soul searching, as well as online searching, and I'm

thinking of joining a gym, for starters. I'm not in bad shape and I am

within the "ideal" body mass for my height, but I've never been much of

an athletic type. I'm thinking about improving my body shape for

that added self-confidence push I need (and burn off some energy to

boot). I don't know anything about how to meet my goal, so I'll

have to rely on the centre's recommendations... but I do have a

goal (maximize my muscle mass while maintaining the same

weight). I read somewhere that it's good to publicly

state it, as you're more apt to feel obligated to do it and continue

it.

Anyone who could give me an idea of how long it should take to have a

"visible" change in muscle mass (upper body, chest abdomen)? I'm

hoping to be able to put in a couple of hours three times a week... but

i have to decide if i'm better with a place close to work versus one

close to home.

As for creating a life... I'm working on that to... got some plans in

my head on how to make friends locally but I don't know how it will pan

out. I'm just looking for people to share in the activities that

I enjoy.

ROb

[r.cherry]

life...go figure

time to dust off that trolling motor.

[CECAA850]

Depending on your age and how hard you hit the gym, you should notice some subtle differences in 2 weeks. A noticeable change should come in 6 weeks of good work outs. Carl

[DrWho]

I've done some soul searching, as well as online searching, and I'm

thinking of joining a gym, for starters. I'm not in bad shape and I am

within the "ideal" body mass for my height, but I've never been much of

an athletic type. I'm thinking about improving my body shape for

that added self-confidence push I need (and burn off some energy to

boot). I don't know anything about how to meet my goal, so I'll

have to rely on the centre's recommendations... but I do have a

goal (maximize my muscle mass while maintaining the same

weight). I read somewhere that it's good to publicly

state it, as you're more apt to feel obligated to do it and continue

it.

Anyone who could give me an idea of how long it should take to have a

"visible" change in muscle mass (upper body, chest abdomen)? I'm

hoping to be able to put in a couple of hours three times a week... but

i have to decide if i'm better with a place close to work versus one

close to home.

I took up martial arts when my woman dumped me...I've lifted before but this is so much harder and is a good mind workout too (which is great for getting your thoughts on other things). It's cheaper for me cuz I'm on a college campus, but it still might be worth the investment. I'm currently doing Kuk Sool Won - here's the candian schools:

http://www.kuksoolwon.com/Schools/schools04.html

As far as how long it takes to notice a visible change...it usually takes about 2 weeks of intense working out of any kind before you stop feeling like crap (depending on how outta shape you are). After that it will actually feel good to workout and that's when you should start noticing changes. It took me 2 months to lose 2 inches, but I lost the first one after 3 weeks.

Building muscle takes longer and I would estimate at least a good month before any visable changes start to happen.

Working out is a great thing for depression because it builds up pheremones or however that's spelled...basically a chemical your body produces that makes you feel happy.

I'm just a young guy without life experience in such things, but I still feel for you dude.

[Duke Spinner]

now, Rob ....

don't get too carried away with this stuff ......

hey, i've learned ...some people just want to fail, at whatever ... work, marriage, life .....

your girl was probably hiding this just below the surface thru your relationship, know what ..??

her next relationship will fail too, for the same reasons

just separate the "before", and "after"

and .... don't feel like it's all your fault.........

PM me for some counseling links you may find helpfull, if you like ...

BB's just like this one ...

'cept not about speakers .....[]

[Marvel]

Working out is a great thing for depression because it builds up pheremones or however that's spelled...basically a chemical your body produces that makes you feel happy.

I'm just a young guy without life experience in such things, but I still feel for you dude.

I don't phere much these days. Just moving on. Hang in there Rob.

[formica]

Ok... I can live with a noticeable difference in about two

months. I'm looking mostly at lifting for starters; after all

it's the aesthetics (confidence) I'm after. I would like it to

pan through for me so I'm just making sure I see some results quick

enough not to loose the motivation.

I'm opting for a place close to my home... that way I can go whether

I'm coming back from work, or off entirely. I've contemplated it

for years... now is the time.

Duke: She was a little disillusioned herself that her next

relation will probably end with similar feelings as well. She is

willing to accept it as part of life, but other than relations...

she never fails at anything else she does. BTW, there are

BBs other than audio?... wow, must get old fast... ...

Bruce: did you get my email response the other day?

I'm never sure as some servers seem to block out everything from

www.excite.com... Let me know.

ROb

[dtel's wife]

New shouldn't even be part of the equation. The relationship and committment is what you make it.

Unfortunately... I'm not the one who should be hearing that. From what I can understand is the comfort and support two people can bring each other isn't as important as the excitement. Remember that isn't my opinion... but my interpretation of what they are feeling. Perhaps somewhere down the road, they will change their view as well... but it'll make no difference to me by then.

The comfort and support is important, or should be to most men and women, however excitement does play a role. I don't think comfort and support should be dominated by excitement.

Wow... Good for you! Did you have any company with you? Also, there is absolutly no reason to feel sorry.

Believe it or not... I went with her, as friends, at her request. Condition was we didn't talk about it at all, and no attempts at winning anyone back. It's much harder than it sounds, and as one friend told me... it takes balls. I pulled it off, even if it didn't change anything except earn myself some respect.

Cuba, BTW, is great destination especially if you want to easily and safely mix with the locals in a "third world" country.

Earning self respect is a key issue for you right now. You did the right thing, as painful as it may have been.

It's maddening, I know, I've been there. I don't want to be a thread hijacker so I won't go into the details, but I've been there.

It's honestly eating me alive. I can't get my mind off him, if she's announced the news, if they are hanging, and if she'll ever tell anyone the actual thing that made her decide to leave? I know I should think about myself, but my mind just keeps coming back to that.

You have to put yourself first right now. Do what is best for you. The more you think about things like the above, the harder it is to climb out of the hole. When questions like that come to mind, make it a point to concentrate on something else. The empty feelings you have about her will subside as you begin to spend more time and energy on yourself.

Everyone says go out and find another one.I dont think they understand that it is not that easy.My feelings ran deep and I dont think I could just fall in love with someone else at this time.

"At this time"... are the correct words... because I did find another one after my wife left. I just didn't expect the EXACTsame thing to happen again...

Just because the EXACT same thing happened doesn't mean something is wrong with you. When you are out looking, be sure to take your time and find someone who had a somewhat normal life, i.e. a lot of women are not happy unless they are surrounded by chaos. It has to do with the way they were raised.

Man, between lovedrummin' and formica, I feel like you guys have crawled inside my head, and then wrote what I've been feeling/living for the last month. Work suffering? Yep. Excited about audio? Nope. Eager to take the boat out? What's the use. Go for a motorcycle ride. Nahhhhh......too hot. Watch a movie in the HT. Nahhhh....just have to rent a movie then take it back. And on & on it goes.

Tom, do me the favour and take your bike out. I know you like riding... get back on even if you don't feel like it. You have to prove to yourself that you don't NEED anyone...

Sounds weird coming from me? Well... experience and watching my mom pull through my dad's death a couple of months ago, has shown me that we have a lot of things to prove to ourselves and no one to push us.

I went out today and bought myself tickets to go see Front Line Assembly next weekend... I really enjoy music concerts and it was an activity my girlfriend and I frequently did. I'm convinced I don't need anyone to keep enjoying it.

Now you are getting the idea, some of these guys should be listening. Tom, lovedrummin' are you guys listening.

They'll also tell you that the more you try to be nice the more likely you'll be used as a door mat. Remember......he who cares least, wins.

I'm fu¢ked.

...strongly disagree agree about the "he who cares least" bit. My wife and I were married for five years, and had a bit of that going on. I was into my music, she was a rather radical feminist. Doomed from the start. We divorced, partly due to a guy who told her he could show her how to get to God (maybe god with a small 'g') He beat her up constantly, broke a rib, broke an eardrum.

No offence... but doesn't that show the opposite? I think we know you pretty well on here and I wasn't even sure if I should bring this up... but I don't think you'll take this the wrong way.

I mean your wife had to live through a pretty dramatic experience to realise that nice guys are actually nice to be with? You did get her back and she realised how much you were offering her in the first place (I'm figuring you were a nice guy from the start, right?) As much as I love her, or perhaps because I love her... I honestly can't wish that kind of experience onto my gf in order to get her back. If she ever does realise it on her own.. it'll probably be too late.

I think I do have an advantage that I don't actually look like mr nice guy... but once I'm in, I can help putting my women on pedestals.

I'm fu¢ked.

ROb

Marvel is right and so are you. It mainly depends on the type of woman you end up with. Some women can not accept that a man will treat her right. I mean let's face it, men do not have the best reputation when it comes to understanding women. In the alternative, even the most "in tune" man wouldn't be able to understand the way some women think.

All is not doom and gloom. You guys need to start thinking about yourselves just a little. Yes, put the woman on a pedestal, but remember you need to stand right beside her, wherever she may be standing.

Of course, this is all just my opinion. After 28 years of marriage I figured some of my thoughts may be relevant.

[fini]

Man, between lovedrummin' and formica, I feel like you guys have crawled inside my head, and then wrote what I've been feeling/living for the last month. Work suffering? Yep. Excited about audio? Nope. Eager to take the boat out? What's the use. Go for a motorcycle ride. Nahhhhh......too hot. Watch a movie in the HT. Nahhhh....just have to rent a movie then take it back. And on & on it goes. []

I still feel very strongly that it boils down to one word - committment. For anyone less than 40 years old (please - don't take this as a slam. It's just MHO), the message most of your life has been ME, ME, ME. Quick solutions, instant gratification. Boss is a jerk? Screw 'em and quit. Relationship not working for you? Then just bail. Society approves. The result is one fails to truly understand what being committed is all about. Because truly being committed will pull you through the bad times. We're also never told that marriage needs just as much attention as that HT project or one's carreer. So how many of us actually "work" on our marriage? Oh well.....I'll shut up now for I'll probably just say something that will get my *** flamed.

As for your issue Duke....it's real simple. You have applied the "he who cares least, wins" principle to perfection. The result is that they won't leave. You want her to go? Start acting like you want her to stay and act like you truly care about her. She'll be gone in 3 days - 5 tops. It's this same principle that causes us "nice guys" to scratch our heads and say, "I just don't get it" when we see some nice looking chick with a bum of a guy. He doesn't care about her and doesn't kiss her ***. Which makes her want him even more. You think I'm full of sh*t? Just get some women with serious game to answer you honestly and they'll tell you that's exactly what happens. They'll also tell you that the more you try to be nice the more likely you'll be used as a door mat. Remember......he who cares least, wins.

Tom

What, no mention of gym socks?

[dtel's wife]

Yipee, Fini's back. Glad to hear from you.