charlieboy Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Rob, I just lost my wife of 13 years 2 months ago. We were together 15 years total. No warning. Just gone. I'm here if you need me. I know what your dealing with. Charlie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrWho Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 wow, ouch dude. Very sorry to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frzninvt Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Wow Rob, sorry to hear this news. I got divorced from my first wife in '92, that hurt, then I got the dear John phone call from the girlfriend I had shortly thearafter so I can somewhat sympathize with the back to back traumatic events. They are never pleasent and they do affect our health, I was in rough shape for awhile. It took a while to rebound and I swore I would never ever get married again but here I am married again. Hang in there buddy, life goes on and you will recover from the back to back losses as painful as they are. Let me know if you need anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Blacksmith Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 It's never easy. Sorry you are going through it again. We are here for you, just ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel's wife Posted June 7, 2006 Moderators Share Posted June 7, 2006 Somehow my heart keeps blaming myself for so many minute details I should have done differently... even though my mind knows she is the one responsible for the decision. She seemed very convinced of it to boot. You can't blame yourself. During my 28 years of marriage to dtel I have learned that I must tell him when "minute details" are getting in the way. Men are not mind readers. You can however examine this relationship and do things a little different next time around if you think its necessary. Loosing a loved one, unfortunately, doesn't get easier with experience... Losing a loved one is never easy no matter how many times you experience the loss. Take time to grieve your loss. Look forward to the happiness you will find with the right person. I'm honestly I little numbed by all this. ROb PS: Although we've been living together now for those 6-1/2 years... we were not actually married as I've kinda lost "faith" in the ceremony. Given our values, I don't really think it really made a difference though... My youngest daughter, who may have been quoting someone else told me that "Marriage is a piece of paper that holds you together while you fall in and out of love." After hearing this I thought about the many ups and downs during my 28 year marriage to dtel. The "piece of paper" was actually our commitment to the relationship. IMO, the "faith" in the "ceremony" is not the real point, it is the commitment (vows) you take during the "ceremony". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 My youngest daughter, who may have been quoting someone else told me that "Marriage is a piece of paper that holds you together while you fall in and out of love." After hearing this I thought about the many ups and downs during my 28 year marriage to dtel. The "piece of paper" was actually our commitment to the relationship. IMO, the "faith" in the "ceremony" is not the real point, it is the commitment (vows) you take during the "ceremony". I couldn't agree with you more... unfortunately the actual commitment seems to be taken too lightly by my generation. She said that she felt that "rush" in her heart, for me, automatically for almost 6 years. Our decline all started with a crush for another guy, and her attempt to understand why my rush was replaced for one for someone else. Her conclusion is that something is wrong and since it hasn't improved in the last 6mths... it must be time to move on. As much as one would like to pinpoint a reason, the only valid one I've found is the "seven year itch"... which often follows the change of a relationship from "discovery" to "comfort" phases. That normally happens after 4 years. He11, I should be proud to have given her that feeling for 6 years... but that is little consolation right now. Unfortunately most of her friends share the "automatic" love viewpoint... but with most of them also about 27yrs old, none have lived with their mates long enough to get to the comfort phase. Comfort, it seems, is considered overrated today... OTOH, my network of friends is very small... so I find myself with a very small support group. Over the years I had adopted hers, which only alienates me further. The feeling of loss is compounded to that of failure. I am not very good at this, and am a hopeless romantic. I thought I felt numb yesterday... today I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. ROb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSport Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Do NOT blame yourself or give in to the feelings of failure...you will have to go through the stages, no one can speed that up, slow it down or have you skip them...in fact, my saying to not blame yourself can't stop you from feeling that way BUT remember...others have gone through this (as have you) and you MADE it out alive...I had those same feelings, what helped in my situation was the evil she did right near the end that made it easier for me...I hope you can be at Peace with yourself soon and that things start back on their upward climb for you. Keep a good thought and don't let it ruin your Peace. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 ROb, you're a class guy. I'm sorry to hear of your latest loss. As Sister Teresa put it, "God will never give you more than you can handle.......I just wish he didn't trust me so much". I hope you find peace soon. Carl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Thanks for all your heart felt wishes... over the years on here, I can honestly say you guys (and girls) have become actual friends. In tough times, we lean on them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Dude, yer LUCKY... my wife of 18 years want's Half of everything she Never bought needless to say, she just won't "leave" [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnyholiday Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Can johny say this ,when johny has the mic! he can say anything he wants !... On the train of cousequences,be anything you want, ride the rails ,don't miss the chance,you did the crime , an did your time, sentiment throw it out, out with the old, in with the new ,wounded bird complex, bid it a do,on too, the next lady love , cause your the devil now, an your heading west, on the rail,a blaze of glory, an white hot h3ll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldbuckster Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 There is nothing anyone can say at this point to make you feel better. Just be a gentleman, and conduct yourself with pride, and dignity, and don't lower yourself to name calling and finger pointing. Right now, she doesn't realise, she lost too ! Be cool ,stay smart, and be a Gentleman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedball Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Dude, yer LUCKY... my wife of 18 years want's Half of everything she Never bought needless to say, she just won't "leave" [] Duke, ......................Hide the crown's! [6] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Adams Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I too am sorry to hear about the break-up Rob. Sent you a PM. As for the notion of committment.....I've often told people that the only difference between a guy ranked #50 in tennis and a guy ranked #5 was the level of committment. Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Dude, yer LUCKY... my wife of 18 years want's Half of everything she Never bought needless to say, she just won't "leave" [] Duke, ......................Hide the crown's! [6] Done ....!! [A] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovedrummin Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I have a pretty good idea how you feel. My wife (16 years younger than me) of 17 years decided in February that she wanted to separate and moved in with her sister. She told me she couldn't ask for a better husband. Said I didn't do anything wrong. Said she didn't know if it was menopause, mid-life crisis, job stress or all the above. Caught me out of the blue. I don't know if this is permanent, but my gut feeling tells me it is. I'm still in limbo land. I've also been lax in keeping up with the forum since then. Things I used to enjoy, music, movies etc. just don't seem the same. I have a general lack of interest in anything right now. I know how you hurt. It's a real emotional roller coaster. I feel sort of ok one day and down the next. All we can do is hang in there and hope life somehow becomes stable again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Spinner Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Damn ... howd all you guy's gettem to Move Out ...???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt1stcav Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Can't really add anymore that others haven't already said...really sorry about the situation you're in. Just hang in there the best you can, and know that there are forum members that are here for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
formica Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Sorry for not checking in this last week, but I was out of town. We had a planned vacation to Cuba before all this happened, and as difficult as it sounds... I went anyways. Sent you a PM. Sent you one too... She told me she couldn't ask for a better husband. Said I didn't do anything wrong. Said she didn't know if it was menopause, mid-life crisis, job stress or all the above. Definitely understand where you are coming from. No "real" reasons here either... other than not as exciting as falling in love. I've also been lax in keeping up with the forum since then. Things I used to enjoy, music, movies etc. just don't seem the same. I have a general lack of interest in anything right now. When she was here... I never had enough time to half of what I wanted... but now I don't seem to "want" to do anything. I just built myself a great HT... and I only used it once before she left. Work is also becoming a problem. OTOH, I think it's all pretty normal... I know how you hurt. It's a real emotional roller coaster. I feel sort of ok one day and down the next. All we can do is hang in there and hope life somehow becomes stable again. That's one thing I can promise you... things will eventually become stable again. You will once again enjoy the same things... and perhaps some new ones. Time does heal great wounds, but trip isn't always easy. howd all you guy's gettem to Move Out ...???? Sorry to break this to you, but the key seems to be to love them a lot, and wish they don't. Seems to work everytime for me ... The jealousy is killing me right now... even though in my mind I realise that I honestly have more to offer than this other guy. I'm just not new. Like lovedrummin said, it's really a rollercoaster... ROb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay481985 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I wish you the best, on another note maybe to keep your mind occupied. Did the pureav come in yet? how is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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