What the Eff.....over??

[jacksonbart]

see my sig.

I am married so I keep the gf chained up in the hidden sound proof basement lair. works out pretty well for me anyway.

[SilverSport]

...well I have nothing bad to say about the Institution of marriage(insert joke here Jacksonbart...[]) ...I just picked the wrong one...lost my inheritance (modest but it WAS mine) and a ton of stuff but I am better off now...and I can always look myself in mirror...someone else may not be able to say the same...I was living in denial (over by Egypt)...if I had a nickle for everytime I thought "She'd NEVER do that to me..."I'm sorry sir, this account was closed weeks ago...Whaaa???"...'Course I can laugh about it now (snapping #2 pencil between thumb and fingers...[])...YMMV

Bill

[Amy]

Oddly enough I meet gals all the time who swear that "all the good ones are taken."

The only women I know who use this pathetic line are the ones who cannot shoulder any responsibility for their own relationship failures.

[Mighty Favog]

I dunno.........probably runs in my family somehow. For instance, I have four siblings and only one niece (no nephews).

[kev313]

Maybe it has to do with Forum use.

[kaiser SET say]

Amen sister[]

I was married once to a beautiful woman and after 8 years, a beautiful baby boy (he is now 27!), the only all brick house with central heating and air on the block, 2 new cars in the driveway and steak & potatoes 3 nights a week all I ever got when I came home from working my tail off to provide was "What do we have to show for 8 years of marriage" and you know once a guy takes this day in and day out he starts to break down no matter how tuff he thinks he is!

Needless to say we divorced in 1984 and I never married again but since I have been with my new love (1998) we have had 2 more beautiful sons and I'm so glad this young filly chased me down as I am totally happy and not to mention one of the luckiest guys in the world[]

She is from a well grounded family who live only 2 miles from us and her Dr. brother/my sons uncle works at the same University Hospital I do and we have a super strong family unit IMHO. I bring this up because I for one don't want any of you to give up on what can be right with the right person.

Only a hand full of you know that I was orphaned at 12 and loss of your parents at that age is far worse than losing ones partner to the changing norms of our current society which in some respects is truly going to hell in a hand basket but there are still good people out there and your heart can help you if you just trust it[]

I only write these things as I see some real anger going on here and you must drop it if you want to go on with your life and don't think I did not have plenty of anger issues after my seperation as my ex decided she and my then best buddy needed to be together so they got married and had 2 sons the first of which was born with water on the brain and died 5 years after his birth (I have always wondered if higher powers did not punish someone in that whole affair) and now they are seperated as he really had me buffaloed since I never realized what a true loser he was.

She has since married a fairly rich guy in the oil business and seems to be happy and belive it or not I'm happy for her even with all that has transpired between us. My moto is forgive but never forget[]

Just wanted to put my .02 cents on another view of the whole relationship saga[:|]

[Tom Adams]

No offense to those who posted stuff about buying things now that they're girlfriend or wife is gone because I too have been there after a divorce. However, at the risk of getting really deep here, the bottom line is that the human male and female species have a very real desire and natural instinct to be in a one-on-one relationship. And there's plenty of studies to prove this.

So, while we might be some what satisfied with the accumulation and/or aquisition of things, it is just a pacifier for what "our being" is truly craving - and that's a relationship. I defy anyone who's single to tell me that in their quiet moments they've said, "This house or my boat or my motorcycle(s) or even my Klipschorns complete me." That somehow all of your inanimate objects create the same feelings of self worth and emotions that one gets when another person looks at you with "that look". As nice as your "stuff" might be, it can't hug you back.

One of the things I've pondered over the past few weeks of intraspective thinking, is why is it that when we suffer the hurt due to the loss of a significant other, we have a tendancy to lose interest in our jobs or our hobbies or chores or whatever? And what I've concluded is that it's God's way of identifying to us that which we should already know, but can't see the forrest for the trees. And that is......our significant other is truly all that matters. That everything else is just superfulous. Again, a pair of LaScala's can't hug you back.

Recently, my wife called me on her way to a dinner meeting and I could tell from her voice that she was very stressed. I asked her to tell me what was wrong 'cause I could sense it. She broke down crying and just let it all hang out about the stress she'd been under at work and the marriage issues and this and that. I just listened and empathized the best I could. After a period of time, she calmed down and said she felt better having talked to me. I told her that I appreciated that she thought enough of me to talk to me about what was bothering her. She said, "Why wouldn't I call you? You're the only one that has a calming effect over me and truly listens."

And that's what I'm talking about when it comes to being in a relationship that defines who you are and what contributions you make in life that actually matters.

Again, my heart goes out to many of you. I've got it a bit easier, because we've committed to making the marriage work. But it's still rough when you don't see your wife every night.

I do agree with jt1stcav that our society as a whole is degrading slightly when it comes to truly committed relationships. We've made it far too easy to bail out and in some ways, it's even celebrated.

Anyhow....enough of my drivel. Thanks for listening.

Tom

[Mike Lindsey]

I think it's great that you have a truly satisfying relationship with someone, but sometimes it's just not in the cards for some of us. I was deeply committed to my gf for 4 years. I was the one that made all the sacrifices. I was the one that paid for everything. I was the one that wanted to sell our respective homes and get a place together. And I was the one that got dumped on.

I'm a little gun-shy now, and really have no desire to be with someone at this moment. I'm enjoying my life. I play golf every weekend, and do things with my family now (instead of hers all the time). When I feel the need to fulfill the void in my life I'm sure I'll jump back on the horse, but until then I am going to continue to buy more gear and albums. []

Mike

[colterphoto1]

Thanks guys for the last few posts. I do know for a fact that my shopping obsession and problems with food are tied to the 'hole in me' that can't be filled.

It's terribly debilitating and my health and business have been suffering for the past couple of years because of it. I'm still desperately trying to pull out of what seems to be a long nose dive and realizing the problem seems to be a good first step.

Thanks to all who opened up and shared on this thread.

[Mighty Favog]

Where's the "group hug" emoticon??

[jacksonbart]

I think its time that we all put on some Sam Cooke and sung along:

"Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for.

But I do know that one and one is two,
And if this one could be with you,
What a wonderful world this would be.

Now i don't claim to be an "A" student,
But I'm trying to be.
So maybe by being an "A" student baby
I can win your love for me.

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took.

But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me too,
What a wonderful world this would be.

Latatatatatatahuwaah (history)
Oehwoewoe (biology)
Latatatatatatahuwaah (science book)
Oehwoewoe (French I took)

But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me too,
What a wonderful world this would be. "

[oldbuckster]

Now how about "Bring it on Home " that's great Sam Cooke also, good call JacksonBart..........

[Duke Spinner]

.[{].[}]

close enuff ..??

[oldtimer]

This thread speaks to the community we share as more than just gear heads. I know that i was devastated after my first wife left me (and took my son with her), and leaned on my friends for whatever help they could provide. I learned from the experience not necessarily what I was looking for in someone, but definitely what I knew I was not looking for. Somehow this led me (or maybe pure luck plus experience) to be smart enough to know when I found her to make it work. Its been 16 years now and we still love each other and are even still in love with each other. You are right on with your comment Amy, btw.

[Amy]

Relationships are hard, I don't think anyone will argue that.

My only philosophy to throw into this mix: no relationship is going to work if you don't have a good relationship with yourself. Learn how to be on your own, and happy on your own, and the rest will follow. There's nothing more attractive to a person seeking a partner than someone confident and secure in their own world. It only makes them want to be a part of it.

"But Amy," you may ask, "how do I do that when I can feel is lonliness?" Well, if I knew the answer to that, I would probably be in a different line of work. The key for me was to get out of the house. Period. The house made me miserable. Take a short road trip. Go hiking. Volunteer for a good cause. Just DO something. Keeping your mind active, not just occupied, is the only way to move forward. You have to find something that works for you (something HEALTHY)--and keep trying until you find it.

[cluless]

Quite Frankly, I think that self-pity, wallowing in remorse and regret are sure-fire-ways to take your own self-image and deflate it to the point of use-less-ness. And if along the way you can garner a group of individuals that will facilitate your slug-like image of yourself.....Wooo wooo...Prime time Slime Time - No Sympathy from me

I Think that anyone that undervalues their own self image, well, deserves to be undervalued.

I think that this is a group of people that I would love to meet, and the "woe is me" mentality tends really shut that down

[johnyholiday]

Marlboro Man in Fallujah, he survived HOLY war,but only three weeks of marriage,once again proving marriage is HELL

[Marvel]

The committment is hard. You have to have a total surrender to each other. Anything less is likely to crumble.

I do a balancing act between whining/self pity and being quite self assured. I do have the consolation of knowing Barbara wasn't leaving me because she wanted to.

An acquaintance told me I don't necessarily have to move on right now, but I can't go backwards. In otherwords, a holding pattern will do, at least for a while.

Been getting out of the house more. Went to one of the free concerts we used to go to in the summer. The music was great, but it wasn't the same. I'll still probably go again.

Bruce

[jt1stcav]

Quite Frankly, I think that self-pity, wallowing in remorse and regret are sure-fire-ways to take your own self-image and deflate it to the point of use-less-ness. And if along the way you can garner a group of individuals that will facilitate your slug-like image of yourself.....Wooo wooo...Prime time Slime Time - No Sympathy from me

I Think that anyone that undervalues their own self image, well, deserves to be undervalued.

I think that this is a group of people that I would love to meet, and the "woe is me" mentality tends really shut that down

Clu hit the nail right on the head IMO! Sure, I can understand depression right after a breakup (I know I was after I left her), but then you move on as best you can and continue to live your life. Being continually depressed and having a low self-esteem afterwards is not healthy, and you can only blame yourself if you continue down this path of self-destruction.

I'm not perfect, far from it, but once I left I considered myself lucky not to have been married to her or had any children with her, and I moved on with my life. Unfortunantly, I'm still single, but I'm not miserable or wallowing in self-pity, or resorting to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape (I respect myself too much to destroy myself over any woman). I have dated a few times since, and I know someday I'll finally meet the right woman. But for now I love life way too much (despite the hardships that go along with it) to cry in my beer and let myself be consumed by a failed relationship. I see many guys here have sucked it up and continued on with everyday life, and many are happier than ever, and that's the way to do it! Good for you!

Bruce's situation is a bit different with the tragic death of a loved one (they were still very much in love right up to the end), but even after his loss, he's gradually moved on and is still getting out and enjoying life today (I'm sure his wife would have wanted it that way). I have a world of respect for this man, and I think many others here on this forum are exactly the same way. It's not easy, but it can be done.

[jt1stcav]

I can also relate to johnnyholiday's post...

When I was stationed in Germany back in the early '80s, I had a buddy of mine (a vet from Granada) get a "Dear John" letter from his fiance back in the states who just couldn't wait for him to return any longer; she had found another man and was engaged to this new guy in a matter of only a few short months since my friend's arrival at our present duty station. He was fit to be tied, and resorted to getting drunk just about every night, which led up to him missing first formations and even work. He quickly snapped to, though (before being court martialed), and pulled himself out of his destructive rut he began to dig himself into. Right before I finished my tour of duty, he had met a German woman and begun dating again. Later I learned he married that girl, and after receiving an Honorable Discharge from the Army, he continued to live in Ludwigsburg and became a respectable member of German society...as far as I know, they're still married with a son now and still living in the same German town, and he's loving life!

I also personally knew a Marine who received a "Dear John" from his high school sweetheart...he couldn't cope with the seperation, and while on guard duty one night stole some live rounds, locked and loaded his M16 rifle, and blew his skull clean in two!