3dzapper Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 fini, Keep your PMA and help your mother keep hers too. It is important for a quick recovery. Hope everything goes well tomorrow for her and you. Steve, sorry to her about your Mom's grafts too. Scarring over of bypass grafts is all too common I'm sorry to say. Two of my last four failed too. Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 Update: Mom's still in the hospital, and I spent yesterday trying to track down the involved doctors by phone, to try and answer some questions regarding this biopsy, what they might find (and then what they'd do about it), the risks involved (given her terribly ability to absorb oxygen into her body), and (probably most important) how will her life be potentially improved in these various scenarios. I don't want to jump to comclusions, and being a good son (and power of attorney for health care), I want to be crystal clear on these issues. Right now, after talking to the surgeon, we will wait a few days to make the decision, hoping #1 her breathing improves and #2 we get reason enough to proceed. My brother came up (he lives about 75 miles away) yesterday, and my sister will be flying in from Oklahoma this evening. Mom will like having us all together, no doubt. I will, too. Thanks again for the thoughts, energy & prayers. It is all being felt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cluless Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 fini- sorry to hear about the coninuing complications with your mom's health. The cats arnd I are sending a group hug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurs Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Good thoughts from Texas out to you, your mom and your whole family....hang in there fini.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piranha Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fini, I'd like to pass along my best wishes to you and your Mom. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fini, I'm new here, so I'm but a shadow in the background. You and your mother are in my thoughts & prayers. Though both my parents are in good health (73/75) Mom has had some heart issues and bypasses, so I'm not numb to some of your circumstances. I hope this goes well for you. I've got a soapbox I'm stiffling right now mainly because it might not be the right time. Suffice it to say that it's good that your mother gave you power of attorney for medical issues (as mine has). I also hope she's given you (or someone) poa of her in a more general sense. Crap, I think this is important, so I'll start my soap box. I REALLY hope it doesn't come across as crass. It is meant to ONLY try to be helpful to all, and to make everyone think about their own situation. Though much of it may seem obvious... you'd be surprised as to what I run across. 1. Everyone here should have his/her affiars in order 2. Don't keep a will in safety deposit box, unless, someone ELSE also has access to said box in case of your demise, and I dont mean spouse. 3. Don't have your estate as beneficiary on IRA's or insurance policies 4. Don't keep all your finances a secret from those you love, don't HIDE anything. If something happens to you, you are only making it more difficult for those you love to untangle your web. 5. Don't hold any stock/bond certificates in PAPER form, keep them in an account (this alone, is a big sermon for me) 6. Don't necessarily make your son/daughter JOINT owner on an asset you own. (they might lose out on a stepped up cost basis, or worse, if they get divorced/sued... YOUR asset might be at risk from THEIR issue) 7. (based on true story) If you DO have stock certificates in YOUR name, along with, say, your deceased mother, fix it NOW, don't wait until your son inherits it and has two estates to deal with to clean it up. 8. Check your IRA/Insurance policies and make sure beneficary info is up to date. If you have a grown child (who has children) and YOUR child has passed, make sure the beneficiary information is updated to INCLUDE your grandchildren (I think this is called "with stirpes" (Stir-pees)). Upshot, if you have your 3 kids as beneificaies, and one passes away, then the other two "get the pie" and not necessarily, the kids of the deceased. soap box mode off. I'm sorry for all of that, I just see so many people get into prediciments that they COULD have easily avoided with some planning. I just cant resist the urge to try to turn the light bulb on for others when the chance is there. I hope this is taken in the helpful spirit it's intended (for all) I'll go back to the shadows now. Best wishes to all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Soapbox #2 An idea to consider: If you have a parent that is probably going to end up in a nursing home (many times, there are early signs) AND if that parent has an annuity, start making plans, to have that annuity annuitized. With the cost of a nursing home, it can put many people into the poorhouse before they can get any financial assistance. If the money in an annuity is annuitized with say, lifetime income with 20 years certain, then the annuity 'as an asset" is taken off the balance sheet. It's now been converted into an income stream. Now it might be more possible to protect some of YOUR, or your loved ones asset and perhaps, allow some of the savings they had, pass on to the beneificaries, instead of all being sucked up by a nursing home. Again, I hope I've not crossed the boundaries of a out of line post. Back to the shadows for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 My last line above, is intended to say, I'm sorry, I hope I'm not out of line with my posts (I did not mean to infer the thread was out of line) apologies if it came across wrong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fini Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 Richard, Don't slip away! That's good stuff! I may want to PM or email you, if that would be OK? My brother and I talked to an estate attorney. Mom had put together a Living Trust" 12 years ago, and it looks like it'll work. Also, she has a long term care insurance policy that I have been in communication with, trying to see if they'll cover the board & care facility she's been in. In her current condition, she wouldn't be able to make it there, she'd have to go into a nursing home. These things are difficult (but, I agree, SO NECESSARY) to do. It's obvious my Mom cared about it too. So, if you don't mind me picking your brain a bit... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myhamish Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 These are things that should be said. Thanks Coytee. And hang in there, Fini. Hamish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.4knee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 fini, Sorry to hear your Mom is still struggling with her health. We just went an although not entirely the same but similar issue with my Dad back in July. He was in early intermediate stage of Parkinsons and due to life long heart problem was also suffering from congestive heart failure. The long and short of it is he passed on, on his second day in a rehab nursing home. He went there for breathing therapy with the intent he could improve enough to return home. But on the second night he passed in his sleep, which for all intents ad purposes was a blessing although it surely did not feel very blessed at the time. It is difficult to watch elderly parents health continue to slip. I live on the other side of the country from my family and when we were back there at Christmas he had to go to the ER with breathing difficulty and I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I may not see him again as it turns out I was correct. I wish you, your Mom and family the best in this trying time and my family will pray for peace and comfort for all of you. R/Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shmoe Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fini, sorry to hear about your mom... hope she does ok... I'm finding out what it's like to go through tough times myself... take care! -Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fini, you are welcome to pm me (as is anyone else that might have some general questions). I'm NOT an attorney, I'm a stockbroker (I use to run a small local broker/dealer in addition to "being a broker"). I've dealt with all the above issues and seen how a loved one's torment is multiplied at the demise of their parent with poor planning. Preperation has to be done, before it's needed, not after. The light bulb I was trying to turn on, was the light bulb inside anyone reading this. I am not sure I know how the pm thing works, but you are certainly welcome to do it and I'll keep an eye open. Once I get back to work tomorrow, I'll pm you my 800 number. I might not be able to help, as I've already given all my wisdom above, but I'm certainly willing to try. Again, regards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WMcD Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fini, My heart is with you. I lost my parents when I was rather young. My mom's cancer was hidden from us kids, and perhaps correctly. Then she died of a sudden heart attack some years later. My father's passing was more prolonged. Like with your mom, it was hard to get any comment from MD's about anything. I must say that when the doctors are not talking to you, that is because they can't do anything. It is a bad reflection on the MDs that they work that way, but such was my experience. Let me add that nurses in the ICU's carry the burden of non-communicative MD's and interface with the patient and family when the doctors hide. The nurses are terrific. I can only say that you and your loved ones will have to group together with all the generosity of love which will come forth. It will. - - - - Richard is, IMHO, by no means off base in mentioning such financial matters even in these toubled times. His advice may well help you right now. Also, he points out that all of us should put plans into play so that our own passings do not turn into a legal nightmare for our survivors. Best, Gil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndyKlipschFan Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 "All of us should put plans into play so that our own passings do not turn into a legal nightmare for our survivors." Thats an entire book Gil.. A men 3 years ago I lost my grandfather who was healthy till he died... He even had low blood pressure.. but lived an outstanding succesful resourseful complete life at 94. My father also passed away this last Jan at 65. He was a non smoker and non drinker of got a rare form of (Gallbladder) Cancer that hit him 10 months before. I say this, cause you never know in life when it is your time. Beyond the complicated work of trusts, wills, and good up to date estate plannings, gifts, and as Gil pointed out knowing what you have... So you know what you have, is very important! I might also point out not a day goes by I miss my father, my best friend, and my business partner since 1989 in my dad. I never considered I worked "for" my dad.. I worked "with" him. I got a little bit of a second chance as he responded for a while to the tratement in aug...sept..2003 it was not until oct/nov that it came back in a furry. He died Jan 4th 2004. What I am saying is make sure in "chasing all this down" you have some time to tell her that you love her.. Remind her daily of that, and how you appreciate her raising you... Ask her if she needs anything done or wants anything at all you will do what is necessary to help her. You want in some ways to make this tollerable for everyone involved, so that you have said your peace.. she knows your gonna be ok.. and if she was gone tomorrow.. with the Lords help and blessing too.. You could all go on in life which is what she would have wanted. Bring some comforts from home like pictures and encourage family to spend time if she is up to it too. When I broke down at the end in the hospital when he was still alive and able to understand his time was near, I had said everything and he knew I loved him and would be ok.. I asked, "Anything else I need to do.." he said.. " I love you son, your gonna be fine, I am very proud of you, so take care of your mom and love your kids especially that little one soon to be born.. (He was Feb 19th and I named him after my dad too) I cried walking out to the car but also was at peace... He died just a few days later. Even though we had said it a million times before... It helped us both IMO, we were able to say it to eachother when it really counted, rather than not been able to. Your in my prayers as well. Roger.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaveli Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 I hope everything turns out good for you. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomer9911 Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 God Bless Her Fini...my Dad is 84 and Mom is 76, and we are NOT getting any younger. Be thankful she's had a full life my friend, I'm sure she is... I know my Dad is soon gone, a couple of years maybe. Watched the baseball game with him tonight and it was sad to see my Dad past out in his Archie Bunker chair in the 2nd inning, but thats life, we do our time to the fullest. He likes Baseball better than Hockey, go figure as a Canadian... I hear you, my Mother is a Saint to me, and I dread the day she passes. All I ask is, the good Lord take care of them and hope I meet them on the Lawerence Welk Super Highway someday...I Love Em... be strong....*cheers* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndyKlipschFan Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 I'll meet them on the Lawerence Welk Super Highway someday... Wow, listening on a pair of k horns. Talk about a dilema. Great speakers...after some time, some unbearable music!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomer9911 Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 I'd hate to see what the Big Guys system looks like.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artto Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Finimy heart goes out to you. I wish I could say that Im going through the same thing at this moment, as I too am presently very distressed, but also mournful (my wife & I had to put our dog and pal, Shapiro, down yesterday), but a mother is something very special. If there is any place, any direct connection in this world, from which we can really say we came from, its our mother. Our mothers not only carried us and gave us birth, they were carrying the other half of what we are when they were born. Somehow that realization, the significance of it, never hit me until mine was gone. We all love you Fini and hope for the best, for your mother, for you, and your family. And Boomer....BTW, I thought you knew. "the big guy's system" uses Klipschorns too! How do think he makes the rolling sound of thunder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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