Hifi jim Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I am lucky though, he is not drinking, smoking, drugging, sexing it up or anything. Not to pick apart your parenting, but how do you know what your kids are up to? I hear parents say this often, but not being a parent maybe I'm missing something? My parents will never hear or know 90% of what I did before I was 25. Most parents think they know what their kids are doing when they're out at night, or with friends or even when they are in their own bedroom. Truth be told: they don't. Kids, yes sometimes your kids, will lie, cheat and steal. They will look at porn on their computer in the confines of a cozy bedroom, they will have sex with their underaged girlfriend in your basement, while you are home. They will have parties when you are out of town. They will lie about where they're going and where they've been. They will lie about who they're meeting and who they've been with. They'll try to hide that tattoo or body piercing from you while living under your roof. They will smoke cigarettes or joints in the family bathroom and hope the vent will work, or maybe some Glade. They will steal vodka and replace it with water. They know what Visine and Altoids are, and they know when to use them. Truth be told, kids know more than their parents often do. I wasn't a bad kid, and I didn't get into trouble. I grew up in an upper class neighborhood and had friends that became doctors and CPA's. But these were the things we did. So I ask, what are your kids up to? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Poor kid. Sounds like the coddling has been so bad that he has no concept of being thrown into a pool because there will always be a boat nearby. How can you change that at age 18 when it's gone on for 18 years? The best I can figure is no matter how you try, all that will do is alienate him and make him go hang with other lost birds of a feather. You're stuck, Oscar! And just when you think August can't come quick enough, wait 'til he gets discharged. It's back to mommy. It's a built-in character trait at this point, unless you get very, very lucky. If he's an instant leader in the military, bingo! Otherwise, if he's just another "middle-of-the-heap nobody cares to know" kind of guy when he gets there, I don't predict much change. This is my greatest fear...................... I hope and pray he'll gain some self respect and maybe find a wife who will somehow motivate him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I am lucky though, he is not drinking, smoking, drugging, sexing it up or anything. Not to pick apart your parenting, but how do you know what your kids are up to? I hear parents say this often, but not being a parent maybe I'm missing something? My parents will never hear or know 90% of what I did before I was 25. Most parents think they know what their kids are doing when they're out at night, or with friends or even when they are in their own bedroom. Truth be told: they don't. Kids, yes sometimes your kids, will lie, cheat and steal. They will look at porn on their computer in the confines of a cozy bedroom, they will have sex with their underaged girlfriend in your basement, while you are home. They will have parties when you are out of town. They will lie about where they're going and where they've been. They will lie about who they're meeting and who they've been with. They'll try to hide that tattoo or body piercing from you while living under your roof. They will smoke cigarettes or joints in the family bathroom and hope the vent will work, or maybe some Glade. They will steal vodka and replace it with water. They know what Visine and Altoids are, and they know when to use them. Truth be told, kids know more than their parents often do. I wasn't a bad kid, and I didn't get into trouble. I grew up in an upper class neighborhood and had friends that became doctors and CPA's. But these were the things we did. So I ask, what are your kids up to? Hey, Jim/ We must have known each other as kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 one way or the other the military will teach him a lesson, so that is probably a good start for him. i went through boot camp in 1978 and when i retired from the military in 2003--boot camp was more like summer camp. they actually said that doing all that mean stuff would hurt the young person's self-esteem. but, at least they do have rules and a structured routine. you may secretly be glad he's leaving; but, publically encourage his decision and wish him well. there is hope for him. it does suck to go through life feeling like there is nobody in your corner. i came from a great home. dad was a cop, mom taught sunday school, took us to Church, never missed a meal; yet, i ended up very deep into drugs. took me until i was 23 to straighten up and fly right. but before i did, i remember my mom telling me that i could lay in the gutter and die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Me Loves Khorns Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I agree that you can never really know I guess. But he seems to be honest with us about things. So far anyways. But, that is what makes part of all of this scary I guess. Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Give that kid a cigar or a pack of smokes <ducking> Holy Smokes that is funny as funny ever was. LOL!!!! Top Notch!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hifi jim Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I agree that you can never really know I guess. But he seems to be honest with us about things. So far anyways. But, that is what makes part of all of this scary I guess. Paul Hi Paul, I hope I didn't give you an unnecessary scare but I'm sure having a teenager in this day and age must make for some worrisome times. It sounds like you have an open and communicative relationship which is VERY important. Talking to your kids and their friends and taking an interest in who they see and what they do is most important. Glad you and yours are off to a good start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted February 10, 2009 Moderators Share Posted February 10, 2009 You can raise 3 children up identically and have 3 completely different adults come from it I agree completely, we have 3 daughters between 25 and 29 years old and they are nothing like each other, except they are all married with either 1 or 2 kids. Although the mailman was different than the milkman and the paperboy, who knows ? Although people say they look like me, poor kids. I was just happy they didn't do some of the things I did when I was younger, I am lucky to be here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macho Nacho Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I read the words you used to describe the son of the women you married and I just feel sorry for you and him, the words are not right. So based on your own results you are 50% successful. Wow, thank goodness you didn’t raise more kids otherwise the Prisons would need to expand. I know I am not someone you feel is righteous. I have been back in New Mexico staying with my Mom as she suffers from Alzheimer’s the past 4 years. My father passed away 15 years ago and I was the only sibling who at the time was not married or with kids. It’s been a tough adjustment in many ways as I am not from here nor did I have a job when I moved out, but yes I was gainfully employed for 10-year prior. I didn't do this because I felt my mother was perfect or because she will remember. I do it because she is my mom and I love her. I am not perfect but we are family as it is. If my parents ever used the words you did, while they were still coherent, I can tell you this, you think I would care for them? You can’t choose family but you chose his mother, how far could he be from her? Good luck, please continue to hate me and blame everyone for “your” problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest " " Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 "we never have time to do it right the first time...but can always find time to do it over" "rise to the occasion" "my immagination is my reality" "we are our own worst enemy" "you are what you eat" "you reap what you sow" "it takes many losses before one can win" "I don't like that person...I must get to know him better" "the best people are usally the biggest PIA" "don't kick the cat" "don't kick the dog" "you are a piece of S@, your worthless, you will never amount to anything, why cant you be like....., if I was your real Dad......... "OK, if you say so, I'll be a piece of S$@&^%, wait and see....I will prove you right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Nacho.... There is merit in what you're trying to convey. No, I don't speak this way to either my wife or Kevin. That's why I came here to rant and ask for input. You take care of your Mom and that is exceptional. That is not easy. You respect her and always have, or at least it sounds that way. That is a virtue that my Kevin could use and hopefully he will someday be as considerate of others. His life has not been a bed of roses. But he has made far worse than it needed to be and he has put himself far behind in getting ahead (or even getting started). There was nothing I could have or would have done different. Someday you will have kids and you too will be a good father. I hope your challenges will all be successes but I can assure you there is no guarantee. BTW, if I were really the ogre you think I might be the youngster would have been shipped away long ago. I am no ogre and I am not a quitter. I just get frustrated sometimes. It's a human thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groomlakearea51 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Oscar: Don't worry too much; it will resolve in the end. He will either do the deed, or he won't. They all have a purpose, and hopefully he'll find his at some point. Best of luck and post a picture in August when he's packed and leaving!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arky Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Oscar: hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rplace Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Give that kid a cigar or a pack of smokes <ducking> Holy Smokes that is funny as funny ever was. LOL!!!! Top Notch!!!! Glad I could pay you back just a bit for all the laughs you have provided me. I think the kid should be indulging in some drinking and driving along with smoking that stogie. Maybe a bit of running with scisors and some sex with out a condom to round things out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Oh yes, the juvenile misconception that tobacco, in any form, contributes anything to any persons life. That is a fools concept sold by the tobacco industry to, well, fools. Obviously y'all errantly feel that tobacco would compensate for some deficiency in a young mans life. Which gives us all pause to wonder what deficiencies are you trying to amend? Give that kid a cigar or a pack of smokes <ducking> Holy Smokes that is funny as funny ever was. LOL!!!! Top Notch!!!! Glad I could pay you back just a bit for all the laughs you have provided me. I think the kid should be indulging in some drinking and driving along with smoking that stogie. Maybe a bit of running with scisors and some sex with out a condom to round things out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.4knee Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Perhaps you should ommit the caffine from your list of indugneces too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Oscar, i think it was joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 BST... It was funny.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groomlakearea51 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Oscar: Have you called the recruiter yet to see how he's doing in the DEP thing? You might want to check... If he goofs off and does not pass the PT test before he ships, they will cancel the contract and you will be stuck with him.... Just a thought based upon many years of experience with graduates from our program DEP'ing and at the last minute we get a call from the recruiters complaining that Lil' Johnnie ain't doin' so good.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rplace Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Mark, I love the T-Zone. Is it me or does that Dr. look like a young Bob Newheart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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