Crown develops Ultimate amplifier!!!!

[artto]

http://www.crownaudio.com/pdf/legacy/belchfire_datasheet.pdf

Wouldn't ya know it? I finally move over to all McIntosh amplification (for the most part), and then Crown comes out with this!!!

[psg]

It is April already?

(It's very funny! Thanks for the post!)

[CECAA850]

THAT'S funny. I love the jumper cable clamps on the output wires.

[dtel]

That's funny I love all the spec's, and the " run like crazy " indicator lights.

[NOSValves]

I love the warranty.... Guaranteed to fry any loud speaker for 25 years..

[Daddy Dee]

Arto, thanks. that's hilarious.

[jacksonbart]

My hot plate just broke, that might just come in handy.

[djk]

.

http://www.epanorama.net/sff/Audio/Products/Speakers/Electrovoice Rear Axial Softspeaker Spec Sheet 01.gif

http://www.epanorama.net/sff/Audio/Products/Speakers/Electrovoice Rear Axial Softspeaker Spec Sheet 02.gif

[Wrinkles]

This one is not audio.

But as I work in the power industry, this one gave industrial humor when there was not much around.

Enter, the Turbo-encabulator

http://turboencabulator.info/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turboencabulator

[Groomlakearea51]

Finally!!! A goal to achieve!!! [Y][Y][Y]

The phone call to Crown about availability was interesting......

Crown switchboard operator (Frances): "Hello, Crown Engineering, your source for electronic nirvana; how may I help you?"

Me: "Hi, I'm calling to enquire about the BF-6000 SUX"

Frances: "Hold on please" (background voices... and I hear Frances say, "Where's Crazy Eddie? We got another live on on the line?")

Frances: "Thank you for holding, I will be transferring your call To our chief Belch Fire consulting engineer. His name is Eddy; please speak slowly and clearly as his hearing has further deteriorated because of the meds".

Eddy: "Hi!! This is Eddy!! Hold on a second, I need to push my mop bucket into the corner so the men wearing the dark three piece suits who claim to be my doctors don't get mad at me and take my lunch privileges away... (a slight pause) Ok!!, I'm back. What can I do for you?"

Me: "I just saw the ad and spec sheet for the BF-6000-SUX. Looks like what I really need to have. "

Eddy: "You got that right! I take my test model back to the nice hotel that I now live in, and all of my new friends there are really impressed!!".

Me: "Great, sounds like a winner. How does it sound?"

Eddy: "Well, it sounds pretty good, in fact it sounds better than any other amp ever made, and I don't even need speakers anymore!! The massive quantum fluctuations on the flame output are so good, that they induce sound by direct radiation from the flame frequencies".

Me: "Wow!, that sounds really good!!"

Eddy: "You betcha'!! Flat melted the line array in my old lab. After I demonstrated this, the CEO was so impressed that he told me that I had achieved the unthinkable, and that I did not even have to have a lab anymore because there was nothing more I could achieve. He also arranged for me to move from my house to the special research facility, and because of the importance to national security, also gave me a special guard detail!"

Me: "Sounds like you are a national treasure and an intellectual force to be reckoned with in the high end audio galaxy of stars!

Eddy: "You got that right. They want me to only think about follow on designs and leave the details to the new guys in engineering. Sorta' like Al Einstein when he retired and just walked around the Institute for Advanced Research at Princeton thinking of GUT theories".

Me: "Wow! What's with the bucket and the mop gig though?"

Eddy: Oh... that... Well, just between you and me, I have these little accidents and they told me it would be best if I cleaned them up myself so no-one would notice and I would not get embarassed. When I was in the final stages of the BF development, I had a weird hankering for habanero cheese dip, topped with some really large purple jalapenos, and washed down with a couple gallons of Bud Light. I guess doing that day in and day out, every coupla' hours in the lab kinda' played havoc with my gastro system, if you get my drift!!

Me; "I understand, and we'll just keep that to ourselves. In any event, the BF looks like the ultimate "man cave" amp, and I want to make my "Wall of Voodoo" the ultimate "in your face" system for Boney-M's "Nightflight to Venus" which is my favorite tune".

Eddy: "Sweet!!, tell me how you are going to use my masterpiece and i'll give you some tips. Gotta' hurry though as the phone lines are constantly monitored by DHS, FBI, NSA, CIA, DOD, POTUS, VPOTUS, WPOTUS and some other folks that if I mention, they'll take my floor buffer riding privileges away a again"

Me: "Gotcha'! No problem! The room is 8' x 6', and the speakers are a pair of Klipschorns in the corners, and the rest of the wall has 36 Klipsch Heresy's".

Eddy: "Impressive, but Important question here. Do you have the grilles off or on?"

Me: "Off, my brother, off!

Eddy: "Man after my own heart!! Good decision. Under about half power, the grilles can ignite and that burning plastic cloth can seriously mess up your listening experience"

Me: "Hey, thanks for telling me!! That would be painful!!"

Eddy: "You have no idea!! Sounds like you are well on your way to really being able to enjoy the BF amp! Any more questions?"

Me: " What do I do about the impedance; there's only two speaker jacks, and 38 speakers would be kinda' pushing it I would think?

Eddy: "Good question, good question. But don't worry, my design has infinitely variable output impedance. Heck, you could hook up a 120 speakers without a problem. My final tests were with 180 speakers, and if that damn wiring in the lab had not caught fire I would have been able to listen to Hendrix' - "Voodoo Child" as it was meant to be heard!!... But I digress... No, my man, you are safe. The more you demand from it, the more it gives. Just make sure that the wiring in the house is about "0" gauge. Or better yet, do you have a power pole with a transformer?

Me: "Yup, right outside over next to the fence"

Eddy: "Great!! Now, what you want to do is go get about 200 feet of that really thick aluminum wire on the big round spools at the power company maintenance lot. You know, the stuff that;s about 3/4" thick. I'd go after hours to avoid those pesky questions that are nothing more than another attempt by lesser men to impugn the true value of power to the people... or at least to our stereo system amplifier requirements."

Me: "Sounds good so far, then what?"

Eddy: "Now here's the important part. Get a good ladder and lay it up on the pole. Take your big wire, cut it in two parts, and wearing some good Playtex rubber gloves, or is it Rubbermaid, huhm? Note to self, check with my enema-oligist later... So where were we? Oh right, gloves!! Put one wire on the lead that goes to the transformer, and the other on the other lead. Don't connect it to the wires coming out to your hose!! Not enough voltage!!! You need all you can get!!!"

Me: "Sounds so good so far, then what"

Eddy: Now you just run them suckers to the house, drill a coupl holes in the wall, pass them through and connect them with battery clamps to the amp's power cord. Now your set for an experience that will chnage your life!!! Believe me!!!

Me: "Wow!!! That's it?"

Eddy: "Yup, I'd kinda' wait for your neighbors to leave for work before turning it on; and oh, by the way, have a coupla good fire extinguishers and a mop & bucket handy for the little embarassing accidents that can happen"

Me: "Great!!! Can you transfer me back to sales so I can order the amp?"

Eddy: "Sure, hold on, and before I hang up, be careful with what you eat and drink when enjoying my creation. The sheer power and sound waves will make you real regular, if you get my drift..."

[H]

[edwinr]

I wonder if all this insanity is contagious.... []

[angelababy]

Thanks for the post!That's funny I love all the spec's.

[djk]

Characterization of Organic Illumination Systems

A team of researches at digital must have gotten bored once after
lunch, because they decided to experiment with producing light from
foodstuffs. Their 'research' is summarized in the whitepaper Characterization
of Organic Illumination Systems, which is apparently the definitive
reference for using pickles as lamps:

There has been a great deal of interest of late in

triboluminescence and electroluminescence in organic materials.

Triboluminescence in wintergreen Life Savers® has been investigated by

many over the years, while electroluminescence in organic thin films is

an active area of current research both here and abroad.

In early December 1988, our attention was called to work by Bill

Bidermann on electroluminescence in pickles. It was reported that

inserting iron electrodes into a dill pickle and energizing with modest

alternating currents caused the pickle to glow. Subsequent reports

reached us in January 1989 regarding corroborating experiments. We

decided to investigate the phenomenon with the aim of improving our

understanding of the underlying mechanisms and examining the potential

for commercial applications