oscarsear Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Some of you might recall my post from a while back regarding my step son. My concern then was whether the lackluster soul would actually make it to his Navy enlistment. He tried to fail his prephysical trials but his recruiting Petty Officer took him on personally until he squeaked by those tests. So he successfully entered the Navy, and was kicked out in under 13 hours time. He did not make even one day. Well, since my last post I did some investigating on their curious Mother to child relationship and had my eyes opened. The kid is a poster child for the over protected boy and Mom the poster Mom for the indulgent, over protective mother. Case in point: It is fall. I bought a 2 roll, 70 pack of 39 gallon bags (35 bags per roll). I just finished the first roll. That would 35, 39 gallon bags of leaves raked and gathered up to date. The 19 year old healthy male, who lives at home, picked up not one single leaf. I did make Mom help. There is a ton more but you get the idea. We filed for divorce last week. I will be back in the single saddle again by the end of the year and will then be seeking Mrs. #3. I learned a lot from this situation. Not coming here for your sympathies. I am just talking. Cr@p happens, we learn and we move on. She is for this change as much as I am. It is all calm. (Yes I get all the Klipsch and related stereo gear.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted October 31, 2009 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2009 I was going to say "sorry to hear that but that" but that may not fit, it may be in everyones best interest ? Glad to hear it will be done calmly, no need for it to be any other way if at all possible. As far as the kid he will have to grow up someday but it's possible that by the time he does that it will be much later than normal and be much harder on him, what can you do when there's someone enabling him. Either way good luck and it's just one more thing to watch out for when looking for #3. Maby just try the rent to own way next time until your sure it's the model you want ? [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZAKO Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Why the heck are you looking for #3 ??????? Set your sales for adventure ,,,Not more misadventure.. Go wrestle a bear,,Not sheep herding.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldenough Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Why the heck are you looking for #3 ??????? Set your sales for adventure ,,,Not more misadventure.. Go wrestle a bear,,Not sheep herding..I'm with you there Maron. When it happened to me I set off round the world with just a few $$$, and a back pack. I never regretted that move.PS.. I came back with a lot more Dollars than I started with, and a whole lot more knowledge.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted October 31, 2009 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2009 Why the heck are you looking for #3 ??????? Set your sales for adventure ,,,Not more misadventure.. Go wrestle a bear,,Not sheep herding.. I would bet he will wrestle a few bears along the way whatever direction he goes. [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 I hear your thoughts. I am a relationship person. Save for Juniors negative influences throughout this marriage the relationship would have been fine. I have enjoyed much of it. I do see now where all these problems had genuine symptoms and signs from the onset. I saw them and wondered about them before committing. But I am no child psyche and I just attributed them to their family break up. Should have listened to my gut instincts better. Still you can be assured that I have learned and I will think deeper next time. I just hope that I am not gender cynical, y'know like there are NO good women, anywhere. The soon to be Ex is not a bad person. She is stuck in a failed parenting style and cannot find her way out. She is a failed mother and she looks to continue with the same approaches that have wrought this young man useless at nearly 20 years old. I feel sad for them both but after 5 years I see no reason to continue to bash my own head or allow them to bash it for me. It won't be too long that as a young adult that Juniors ways will get him into some real serious trouble. He will then expect Mommy to fix it and trust me, whatever it is, she will. I don't want to be part of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I remember reading your last thread with utter disbelief. It sounds like you're on the right path. Good luck. Carl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I know what you mean my friend. I'm definitely a relationship person myself. My divorce will be final on December 5th. I truly hope you find that special relationship that you want. Don't give up--there has to be hope for guys like us. Steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvel Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 At 60, I am ready to marry again, after a wonderful relationship with my first wife. Losing her to melanoma in 2005 was hard. I just don't want to be 80 and wonder "what if I had only...?" We take risks in a relationship, opening ourselves up to being hurt. We have to, both sides have to for it to work. I would rather take that risk and be vulnerable than wonder at the end of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russ69 Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 It is better to have loved and lost, much better! Thanx, Russ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Blacksmith Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 WOW, as my neice would say.. "sorry about your luck". My mind searches for a way to latch on to the concept of not making it a full day in the Navy! I draw a blank[:|] .There ARE good women out there, I found one that will put up with me and my issues so I guess I can't falt her for hers[] I think SHE may have gotten the short end of the stick but she puts up with me anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 A 'blended' relationship is one where 2 families become one like televisions Brady Bunch. But if any of you are headed into one make sure you look hard at the kids, yours and the other persons. It is the children who will present both of you with the greatest and on going challenges. Even if they are out of the house they will impact the relationship some way. I still cannot say the right way to assess the situation. Having read up on the subject there are volumes of horror stories out there. My situation is rather bland compared to others. At 58 I know that I will be headed into another blended family eventually. I will spend a lot more time allowing my own children get to know her and me getting to know her family. This is the single greatest lesson I learned with numero 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Having read up on the subject there are volumes of horror stories out there. That may be true; but, don't forget--those people aren't YOU. Find someone that will love you for who you are and that you love just for being herself. I know that our children will always be a part of our lives; but, the next time I get married--I'm marrying her not her kids; and she's marrying me, not my kids. i guess you learned the hard way this time, and you'll be able to identify when a woman won't cut the apron strings. I wish you well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Sorry it didn't work out. I am rooting for you, as you learn what you really want, it usually take more time to find that person, but when you do it will last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike stehr Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Well, at least you won't have to dig food out of your couch anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvel Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Well, at least you won't have to dig food out of your couch anymore. What do you do for snacks, then? [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike stehr Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 Well, at least you won't have to dig food out of your couch anymore. What do you do for snacks, then? I dunno Bruce......I'm not the kid of Oscar's ex-wife.........I scrounge snacks from my own couch! [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacksonbart Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twheats1 Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 ^^ VERY true! Does that sound bitter? [] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st. patrick Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well, I got to admire your optimism. Somewhat like Cal, mine has put up with me for 31 years in spite of my foibles . . . . . and i often wonder why . . . . i guess i have some redeeming qualities somewhere . . . . or else she likes beating her head against the wall. I would urge caution and suggest you take a deep breathe. There are a lot of good people out there, but there is also a lot of baggage too. Remember, you are auditioning them; don't think the first one to come along is the only "right" one for you. Eventually you will find one that is more right than the others . . . . . just don't delude yourself. Restated, make sure you are in love with her rather than the idea of being in love. We all want to be needed and loved and cared about by someone special. You are not desperate - - - - you always got us! Good luck, be wise, be safe, and take your time. By the same token, it is your gig, so feel free to disregard all of the above. What would be right for me may not be right for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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