garyrc Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I would seek out a good counsellor, maybe with a church group or something ... I agree that you cannot be a best friend to your kid, but you can no longer be only a disciplinarian to them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I have 4 kids now,3 are honor students with 2 being in the honor society, and the other is mixed with A-B's. It has nothing to do with having 2 parents, it has to do with your beliefs and making sure you instill good habits and rules into the kids so they can learn to be a contributor in society. Of course. However, you described having 2 parents who abused you and neglected you in the worst ways. You used yourself as an example to show it doesn't require 2 parents, but in your case, the number was effectively zero. We could point to you and say that no parents are required. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dude Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 my stepson just commited suicide last October I am sorry to hear this, I could only imagine what you and your wife go through everyday. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyOwn Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 All I have to add to this is it is too late to correct this girls problems at 17. Whip her butt and set concrete boundaries young and there will be no problems. Your friend FAILED at being a parent! Roger You are correct, she has failed as a parent...Something I know but would never outright say to her. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teaman Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thank you everyone for the support, we battle a lot to bear with the sadness my stepson brought on us.You always wish things would end differently but this is not always the case. Some kids are lost souls which take more coddling than we feel there should be, others are independent and rebel against us at the thought of us helping them. It is a mixed bag and there have to be different lines of approach for each kid. I tried the tough love thing with my stepson, he rebelled. We attempted to show him more love and support by backing off and giving him space to figure things out for himself, he moved out. In the end after raising him from a one year old infant to being a 25 yr old, but always immature man he failed to handle any of the challenges life threw at him. I regret certain ways we dealt with things but I feel good that in God's eyes we always did what we could to improve his life. My in laws tried to be his best friends and allowed him to do whatever he wanted while he lived with them and this certainly didn't help the situation. When he graduated university he seemed to right the ship. After a year of marriage he bought a house and I figured as a starter home I would help him fixing it up. As it ended up, as soon as he got settled in he gave up the fight. He had a messed up mind and an even more messed up group of friends that constantly told him he needed meds or what have you. In 2012 he attempted to overdose on prescription meds. He spent time in the hospital and lots of counselling sessions to prove it was a bad decision and a one off from depression. From that point on we knew tough love could not be the answer. Sorry it may come across as a story about my personal issues and poor me....that is not what my intentions are. Being one year this month that we lost him I would not want someone else to go through what we went through. The story of Bri is all too common and from the comments above you can see the mixed messages we get. It is sad that the young people today lack the self pride we had growing up. Second hand information from ill informed friends usually end up hurting our kids more than anything we can do, or not do for them. The pressure of social media has a lot to do with how fragile they are as well. If Bri has a Facebook page or whatever you may want mom to check it out to see what is posted about her. Sad times... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 It also doesn't help that we have teachers that are teaching kids how to contact state agencies if they feel they are being threatened,and actually push it as a way for kids to get what they want. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedcrankcammer Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) All I have to add to this is it is too late to correct this girls problems at 17. Whip her butt and set concrete boundaries young and there will be no problems. Your friend FAILED at being a parent! Roger You are correct, she has failed as a parent...Something I know but would never outright say to her. Luckily, I have no filter and would say it... People like her get WAY to much influence from the libtard left. We need to make sure we are pushing the correct concepts and agenda just as hard. Trying not to hurt others feelings has let us down and helped libtards prosper. Roger Edited October 10, 2015 by twistedcrankcammer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike stehr Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Sorry, I couldn't resist... Vanity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JL Sargent Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'm with the OP on this one. My 17 yr old would NOT be having sleep overs. Jim, awesome job on rising above your surroundings! You are to be commended. Mark, maybe in California things are different, but around here the last thing DHR or Family Court wants to do is take children from families. A person has to try real hard to get their kids taken. Then the biggest hurdle for getting kids back after losing them is most often passing a drug test. Surely you can understand that? Kids are removed from the worst broken down families you could imagine and they have nothing. They certainly are NOT charged $ for the care of their kids being fostered by another family. There is just no water in a dry well. Typical foster parents in Alabama receive $450.00 per month/child. Nobody is making any real money off that. This report is a couple of years old, but it shows how foster parents are paid and how much. http://www.childtrends.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Foster-Care-Payment-Rate-Report.pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max2 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Sorry for me being so direct, but Mom is not mom. She likely hasn't carried the role as a mom possibly for the later portion of the kids life. When kids raise themselves and have no need or respect for a parent they already see themselves away from the home and the parents from so little interaction or consequences. Competition is an ugly thing, especially for a house with multiple females. She is going to have to break her daughter which isn't going to be fun or easy. The first thing will be "I will run away." and live when said punk that just spent the night, which mom should have her backside blackened for. Thats when mom needs to hand her a copy of Wikihow...."Living on the streets." Of course Im not saying for her to leave, but a noted reaction from the daughter will certainly be a tell tale of just how upside-down Mom is. This is harsh, but mom has no idea what is in store for her and certainly not her daughter if she keeps this up. A second mortgage may needed to get her troubled teen in boarding school. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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