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for Fini

Daddy Dee

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Ben, I've come up with a couple myself:

fini's Law of Screwdrivers: If you need a Philips drive, all you can find are flat-blade screwdrivers. And vise-versa.

fini's Law of Gasses: If you wander to the most remote part of a store to fart, someone will join you within 15 seconds.

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This letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent

senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the

Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed

away and I am all alone now, and it's nice to know that someone

is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old

forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but

before I received this one, she would never let me listen to

hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into

a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress

over the broken radio touched me, and I knew this was God's

way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to

mine, and I told her to kiss my ***.

Thank you for that opportunity.


Agnes Baker

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(from an email ... pictures of popular comic character removed to avoid any copyright or trademark infringement ... PM your email if you want to see with pics)

Your Yearly
Dementia Test-- only 4 questions

Dementia Test

that time of
year for us to
take our
annual senior
citizen test.

Exercise of
the brain is
as important
as exercise of
the muscles.
As we grow
older, it's
important to
keep mentally
alert. If you
don't use it,
you lose it!

Below is a
very private
way to gauge
how your
compares to
the last test.
Some may think
it is too easy
but the ones
with memory
problems may

the test
presented here
to determine
if you're
losing it or

The spaces
below are so
you don't see
the answers
until you've
made your

relax, clear
your mind and

1. What
do you put in
a toaster?

'bread.' If
you said
'toast' give
up now and do

Try not to
hurt yourself.

If you
said, bread,
go to Question

2. Say
'silk' five
times. Now
spell 'silk.'
What do cows

Cows drink
water. If you
said 'milk,'
don't attempt
the next
question. Your
brain is
and may even
yourself with
reading more
such as Auto

However, if
you said
proceed to
question 3.

3. If a red
house is made
from red
bricks and a
blue house is
made from blue
bricks and a
pink house is
made from pink
bricks and a
black house is
made from
black bricks,
what is a
green house
made from?

are made from
If you
said 'green
bricks,' why
are you still
these??? If
you said
'glass,' go on
to Question 4.

4. Without
using a calculator
- You are
driving a bus
from London to

Haven in Wales
In London , 17
people get on
the bus.

In Reading , 6
people get off
the bus and 9
people get on.

Swindon , 2
people get off
and 4
get on.

In Cardiff , 11
people get off
and 16
people get on.

In Swansea , 3
people get off
and 5
people get on

In Carmathen, 6
people get off
and 3
get on.

You then arrive
at Milford Haven

scrolling back
to review, how
old is the bus

Oh, for crying
out loud!

Don't you
remember your
own age?

It was YOU
driving the

If you
pass this along
to your friends,
pray they do
better than you.

PS: 95%
of people fail
most of the

(I got 2 right the first time. I am so screwed)

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  • 2 weeks later...

a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde
says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the
truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
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  • Moderators

The sheer nightgown

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for

his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500

in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and

model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so

sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the

modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for


She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least

iron it!" ....

He never heard the shot.

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed

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