for Fini

[davis419b]

When a male can't stand it anymore! Priceless shot!

[gnatnoop]

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

[dtel]

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

Is that even possible ? [:^)]

[Boxx]

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

Is that even possible ?

Debbie Wasserman Schultz has proven that this new camera is bogus and does not work up to expectations.

[WS65711]

When I was young, my intent was to go to medical school but I didn't pass the entrance exam. One of the questions was "rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect." Those that spelled SPINE became doctors while the rest of us ended up working in lesser paid jobs . . .

[jhoak]

A wife went into the kitchen to find her husband
chasing flies with a swatter. He tells her that he has killed 5 flies; 3 male
and 2 female. She asks him how he can tell the flies' gender.

Easy, he says, I
killed 3 on a beer can and 2 on the phone.

[BLSamuel]

The Talking Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.



So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.



After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug),
which came in a little white box
to use for his house.



He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to church with him.



So he asked the centipede

in the box

"Would you like to go
to church with me today?
We will have a good time."


but there was no answer

from his new pet.



This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
to church with me and receive blessings?"



But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.



The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.



This timehe
put his face up against
the centipede's house and shouted,

"Hey, in there!

Would you like to go

to
church with me
and learn about God?"

.....

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS......

This time,

a little voice

came out of the box

"I heard you the first time!

I'm putting my shoes on!"

[Boxx]

Ben... This was funny... Thanks...

[dtel]

Funny Ben, but I am almost blind now from trying to read the really light parts. [H]

Remember some of us are OLD, half blind and mostly deaf................on a good day. [][]

[BLSamuel]

Funny Ben, but I am almost blind now from trying to read the really light parts.

Remember some of us are OLD, half blind and mostly deaf................on a good day.

Sorry about that. I had trouble reading it also. It didn't paste the same color I had copied from email. I've updated but some text didn't want to change. I had to retype the hardest to read. And I think I lost ... somewhere. Maybe I should adjust my default text size as Elden you're typin way too small for my OLD half blind eyes.

[dtel]

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!"

[dtel]

[]

[Audio Android]

That is funny dtel!![] I always wondered why there are so many.

[CECAA850]

That is funny dtel!! I always wondered why there are so many.

They breed also.

[Boxx]

Grounds for divorce...

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued,

"What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

[Tom Adams]

Should've posted this last Tuesday in honor of National Lighthouse Day.

How do Lighthouse Keepers communicate?

?

?

?

?

?

wait for it...........

?

?

?

Almost there.......

?

?

Shine language, of course!

[jhoak]

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar
and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He
calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me
into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell
asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.


The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and
resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued
off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:


'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is
and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house
for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note
pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with a non-stop chatting wife,
6 children, so he's just trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him
tomorrow?'

[dtel]

What an astronaut does not want to see whan walking on the moon.

[germerikan]

SIMPLE TRUTH 1



Partners help each other undress before sex.

However, after sex, they always dress on their own.



Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE
TRUTH 2



When a
lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying
"congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".



Moral of
the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.



FIVE
RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE



1. Money can not buy happiness,
but it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.



2. Forgive your enemy, but
remember the a**hole's name.



3. If you help someone when
they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.



4. Many people are alive only
because it's illegal to shoot them.



5. Alcohol does not solve any
problems, but then neither does milk.



THERE YOU
HAVE IT...and remember, life is good.

[BLSamuel]