arfandbark Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I'm not sure how I should feel. Happy, angry, sad, etc. A good friend of mine for 30+ years comitted suicide today. I know this much. He won't wake up to hear the birds singing tomorrow morning as we know they will be... Big mistake, IMHO. Even crows in the A.M. are better than dead silence. What bothers me most is that he never gave his buddies a chance to talk him out of it. I know I could have, given the opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdaddy Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Of course it's a mistake. I am sorry for your loss. Somebody once told me, after I had made a crude joke about someone who had died, everyone on this earth has someone that loves them and will miss them. That has been what I think about every time I hear of anyone committing suicide. It's a very selfish act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Dee Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 arfandbark, I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's death. Thirty plus years is a long friendship, indeed. I hear you on the sense that he had alot of support from his buddies that he would not take in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colterphoto1 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Sometimes the pain just gets too great. I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like your buddy had a lot of good friends, it's a shame he didn't confide in them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peshewah Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I too am very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsear Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 That is a rough deal. Even though you feel that you could have made a difference in the outcome do not beat yourself up about it. What if you had known, did your utmost and still failed? In short you are not a professional counselor and may not have had the ability to dissuade your friend from his action. It is what it is and sadly is a fact many too often deal with. We all need to keep an eye on our friends and colleagues. We are experiencing some really difficult financial times. People may lose a lot and not because they were in control of the situation. The self esteem may get bruised or worse. If the situation or its consequences appear to be hopeless extreme decisions may not seem so extreme. But, my suggestion is to try and refer the person to a professional who can get to the root of the problem and maybe redirect it. Even the pro's fail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverSport Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I am very sorry for your loss and prayers for the family and friends...from my experience, I think the one's committing suicide think they are doing everyone a favor by just going away but it seems that those that are left blame themselves for not seeing, trying, to fix whatever the problem was...even if they might not have been able to...sad... Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted July 20, 2009 Moderators Share Posted July 20, 2009 Sorry to hear that Arf, very sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester21 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Same thing happen to me a few years back- best friend was going through a nasty divorce. the guy had houses- hunting land that he owned- a Ruff Porsche- a quarter million in guns- tons of audio gear-more money that 50 people could spend in a lifetime- hier to a national food franchise. He was extremely well liked by everybody- we talked at length about his depression- I really thought he was getting over the divorce. His death devistated an entire circle of close friends and his parents. He took his life in his parents home while they were there. He left two little kids that will be raised by some other man.I was thrusted into selling his assets and taking care of his property. I am still haunted by the memories to this day. The phone call at work- the funeral- Having to remove his belongings from his house. The guy who got me started listening to klipsch. I wish I had some good advice for you but I dont. My sadness turned to anger. If I see him on the other side I will beat his @ss. Selfish cowardly act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfandbark Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 What upsets me most is knowing all the good times I will be having tomorrow, the next day, and etc, that he won't be part of. He will be sorely missed, I'll tell you that. Thank you for your thoughts. I've made my peace with him. He was a very,very proud man. A good friend until the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Me Loves Khorns Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so horribly complicated. Leaves those left here with terrible complications, feelings of guilt, anger, the what ifs, whys, etc. It is indeed the ultimate selfish act. Must be so hard to lose a friend in this way. Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
substance-p Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I am really sorry to hear of your loss and offer prayers for his family and friends. As much as I dispise the act of suicide, I have worked with individuals who are clinically depressed in the past and I have learned that many of them have a fundamentally different way of looking at the world and their experiences in it than I do. I can't understand their pain; however, I don't think that they understand the pain that suicide would bring to their loved ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j-malotky Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I too have known several people who commited suicide. You alway wonder if you could have done anything else to stop them...... If only they would have said something........It just tears you up since you had NO IDEA it was coming. My heart felt simpathy goes out to you, his family and friends. This is a tough time for a lot of people. JM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coytee Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Very sorry to hear about yoru loss. I like others, lost a friend the same way. My situation was a budding friendship so I didn't have the years of memories that you have. I still find myself (and I hate to admit this) a bit angry at him. I also think it was the easy way out and he hurt far more people by leaving our lives unnaturally. Nothing you could have done would have necessarily changed anything.... perhaps put it off a week/month a year...but none the less, your conscience should remain clear. (easy to say, I know) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester21 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 With my friend- my first reaction was to second guess the quality of my friendship. As events unfolded it beacme apparent that he had planed this thing for quite a while as a highly convoluted mess to keep his estranged wife from getting any more $$$$ that he could possibly prevent. Coytee is correct- when somebody is intent doing this- friends or family cannot stop them Don't waste one second blaming yourself as I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmdridq Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I don't lay any value judgements on those who take the suicide option. It may or may not be "selfish" depending on the circumstances. Nobody knows what anyone else feels and nobody can walk a mile in your shoes, as they say. I had an uncle that was dying from black lung disease. He was retired, but in and out of hospitals, etc. One day when his wife went to the store for food, he ran his arms over the blade of his table saw and bled out. I can only imagine what kind of pain he must have been experiencing to do something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Good point cm......many sides to this issue and I see validity in your take. Ernest Hemmingway lived a full life in a relatively short time and chose his exit. I understand that...I've often wondered about what more he could have contributed.....but maybe thats me being selfish. And then there are those struggling to just make it another day. Go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaiser SET say Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Sorry for your loss Arf, always remember those good times and know you were a good friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester21 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Terminal illness- in pain- justifiable Woe is me- life is a bummer- cowardly selfish act-as a member of a civilized species- you have some obligation to those who care about you- deal with it. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfandbark Posted July 25, 2009 Author Share Posted July 25, 2009 Separating pride from cowardess can be difficult. Each situation is unique. It's over, and myself, I'm done with it. Winchester21, you should check with Meagain on a pair of VRD's that have been idling for a year and a half. She has a thread titled "I'm baaack" in the two channel section of our forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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