OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court “How many times have you committed suicide?” “Were you alone or by yourself?” “Was it you or your brother who was killed?” “Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next.” “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?” “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning ? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 A good lawyer would have argued that the dogs made him deaf. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, oldtimer said: A good lawyer would have argued that the dogs made him deaf. A good Lawyer would have sued the Neighbor for false defamation , 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Which would have been countered by claiming the dogs barking caused deafness. Are you on the left side of the bell curve? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 9 minutes ago, oldtimer said: Which would have been countered by claiming the dogs barking caused deafness. quick joke -if you claim dog barking caused deafness in a Court of Law , you would be placed in an Assylum by the same Judge hearing your counter suit - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Not if they were broadcast over Klipsch... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 And they have never heard the dogs next door to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Unfortunately. the punch line was going to be---look at us we are talking like lawyers. Then the bell curve got in the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 1 minute ago, oldtimer said: Unfortunately. the punch line was going to be---look at us we are talking like lawyers. Then the bell curve got in the way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 The best laid plans of mice and men... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Nothing but fun and games Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Why is that funny? Jokes thread, Never mind, it is just an fyi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigStewMan Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Audiophile joke of the day: ”On my wedding night, my wife said size doesn’t matter. So I bought the Klipschorns.” 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?" 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 I think that I first read this apocryphal story about over-lawyering in a Clarence Darrow biography A cocky lawyer, defending a man for allegedly biting off someone’s ear in bar fight, is cross-examining a witness. Q: You have testified that my client bit off the victim’s ear. Is that correct? A: Yes sir. Q: Did you actually see my client bite off the victim’s ear? A: No sir, I did not. Note: He has just established that the witness didn’t actually see the defendant bite off the ear. Instead of sitting down, the lawyer dramatically asks one more question....... Q: So then, how can you be so all-fired sure that my client bit off the victim’s ear? A: Well sir, I saw him spit it out. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators dtel Posted June 25, 2020 Moderators Share Posted June 25, 2020 Boudreaux went duck hunting with his friend and after the hunt they paddled up to land to unload. Standing there was the game warden watching and a little surprised as he watched them unload the ducks but no guns. He walked over and asked how did you get those ducks? Boudreaux told him when we see them flying toward our blind we jump up and make ugly faces at them and they die of a heart attack. The game warden said he had never heard of anything like that and asked if he could go see it for himself. So the next morning they all met in the same place and went out to the blind. A little later some ducks came flying in and Boudreaux jumped up making a ugly face and half of the ducks fell out of the sky dead, the warden was amazed. He told Boudreaux in all of his years as a game warden he had never seen anything like that. Boudreaux told the game warden my wife is better than me at doing this, the warden asked why don't you bring her with you ? Boudreaux said we tried that once, she bust them up to bad. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.