geoff. Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 Not only was that funny, but it was good for the soul 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 A cowboy walks into a bar. Upon leaving, he realizes that someone has painted his horse. The cowboy yells, "Which one of you painted my horse?" A seven foot tall hulk of a man says, menacingly, "I did." The cowboy realizes he is in trouble and replies, "Why, thank you - the first coat's dry!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 A guy walks into a bar with a dog. He claims the dog can talk. "Give me a beer and I'll show you." The bartender slides a beer to him and the man asks the dog, "Fido, what is that above our heads?" The dog says, "Roof!" The irritated bartender says, "That's not talking, he sounds like any other dog." The man says, "OK, how about this - Fido, who was the best baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth!" The bartender throws the man and the dog out of the bar. Fido says to the man, "Ya think I shouldda said DiMaggio?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 A girl walks into a bar in San Francisco, wearing nothing but a smile, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender tells her, "you may want to cover up first." She gets huffy and says, "What's the matter, you don't approve of the City's clothing optional policy?" The bartender says, "No, I'm fine with it, its just that the guy before you was itching and scratching the whole time!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I am a lesbian , I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian ." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBCODD Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 As you wish........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artto Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoff. Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoff. Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 Was JUST about to post this in the Covid thread, but what the hay... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilC Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilC Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DizRotus Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 27 minutes ago, EmilC said: I can’t be certain without seeing his hands. No drink and cigarette; no Keith. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DizRotus Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 16 minutes ago, oldtimer said: Some of your best work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilC Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 and so it begins... https://nypost.com/2020/07/27/baboons-armed-with-knives-chainsaw-spotted-in-uk-safari-park/?utm_source=NYPTwitter&utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_medium=SocialFlow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 Planet of the Baboons...I thought we already have that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The other man said " well where is she? And he said "she died two days ago" from a stroke. The other man said "well thats unfortunate, I'm so sorry for you. But should'nt you give this seat to another family members?" And the man said, "no they're all at the funeral" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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