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In guess the final grade of a c- was so he didn't have to see you the next year. But he didn't know about the gift !

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11 minutes ago, dtel said:

In guess the final grade of a c- was so he didn't have to see you the next year. But he didn't know about the gift !

well, i was a senior and he had previously been in the coast guard so i guess he took a liking to me when i said that i had already signed up and was going in as soon as i graduated.

i only took that class because i only had one class to complete for graduation credit. So, i was getting home from school at 10:30am.  My mom told me to either take more classes or get a job because i wasn’t going sit around the house. So, i took more classes. 

I think they had mostly given up on me. My little sister came home with a C on her report card and got her butt chewed out. I had an F in Algebra with 30 absences and was told, “Try hard next time son. I know math isn’t your favorite subject.”  My sister was so pissed. She said, “i got chewed out for a C and you do nothing about his F.”  I told her not to worry, they hadn’t given up her yet. 

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5 hours ago, oldtimer said:

The sense of time is ingrained in our genes.

And the sense of the timeless is in our souls.

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11 hours ago, dtel said:

 

A couple of years ago I had the same thing happen. The strange part was it happened every night for months, I would wake up sometimes get something to drink and go to the bathroom then look at the clock. The order in which I did these things did not matter, when I checked the time it was always 3:33. It did also happen during the day I  would happen to look at the clock and it was 3:33.  It took me over a week to notice and remember during the day. I had no idea why and then it just ended.

 

 

838 is our local phone prefix and I was seeing it like your 3:33.  Times, mileage etc. Im not sure if I just noticed it more because of the prefix or what. Peace!

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I had purchased a very much used Volvo 1800S back in college. Beautiful car.  

 

It had a horizontal door at the filler cap. It had lock with a rotating cover which had broken off and this made the keyway open to the element.

 

One morning after a freezing rain it would not start and I found water ithe fuel pump.   Naturally I looked at the fuel filler assembly.

 

 I tried the lock and was able to insert the key but the disk tumbler mechanism was jammed with ice, I thought.

 

People know that the inefficient way of thawing out a lock is to put the flame of a match to the blade and insert it into the keyway  to heat the mechanism.  The best way to do it is to insert the key and heat the handle with a match or doubled up set of cardboard matches, as we had back in the day (no BIC lighters).  

 

So I did that and let the matches burn down until they burned my fingers.  As a result I reflexively dropped the glowing stubs of the cardboard matches and they fell into the crack between the hatch and the filler compartment.  

 

It was a "you have just done something stupid by dropping fire into the gas tank" moment.  I stepped back quickly and  was ready to run.  Then I thought, "If it hasn't exploded by now, it is not going to."

 

None the less, I used up one of my nine lives just then.

 


WMcD

 

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So I was young and stoopid with this Volkswagon van (shortcruise microbus) with a stereo and bed in back and propane-sidewall-vented-heater-with-a-standing-pilot.  Dad always said "disconnect the propane hose at night so there isn't a leak and turn off the 20# propane tank valve". Well OK...except that twilight evening i loosened the propane hose and didn't turn off the valve FIRST so gas was escaping, hissssssssss!  I mentally connected the free-air leaking propane with the burning pilot flame-freaked out- and got the heck outta there:  Yep, she blew! Biggest flame I've ever created as the explosion was 18' tall KABOOM and rolled out the sliding door which was open!  Called the fire department, they doused the poor bubba after I filled the interior with snow (pretty keyed-up at that point with adrenaline and all going on). Toasted the interior pretty darn well!  I rebuilt the whole microbus and drove it for the next year.

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On 2/14/2020 at 4:14 PM, mr clean said:

Heres my  story and its more funny than crazy. At the time this happened we had two small toy fox terriers. We still have one. I was sleeping, and I usually wear earplugs so I don't hear anything. The wife and the dogs and I were sleeping, and I heard the wife starting to snore a little because one of my earplugs came out. I started feeling around under the covers and found the earplug, and rolled it between my fingers, and in my ear it went. Thats when I figured out it was not a earplug, but a small terrier turd! I started yelling and awoke the wife. She changed the sheets and I spent  5 minutes or so cleaning dogs shit out of my ear.  The dogs never go in the house or bed but I guess one of them messed up and could not hold it. I guess shit happens!😎     

 

OK, I think you win this one.  You definitely have me beat.  I can't stop laughing. 

 

So why do you call yourself Mr. Clean?  Trying to compensate? 

 

 

I remember coming home really drunk and late one night when I was a teenager and throwing up on the carpet.  I was so drunk that I decided the best thing to do was to lie down on the floor next to it.  A minute later our dog came running out to great me and found a nice treat in the pile of puke.  So she started to eat it. 

 

At this point I was in bad shape and decided that not only should I not stop her, but I should tell her "good girl, clean it up"  

 

Problem solved!  I crawled to my bedroom and passed out. 

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Yeah, Mr. Clean’s story is gonna be hard to beat. 

When my daughter was a baby, i was holding her in one arm and eating a sandwich with my free hand. Well, sometimes a baby’s poop is yellow. I notice some yellow on my forearm. I thought it was a blob of mustard from my sandwich -- I CAME CLOSE, but DIDN’T lick it off my arm. something inside me told me not to and when i checked, it was the leaky diaper. Still grateful.

 

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I have a wild one, when in college i used to frequent a coffee shop alot. I was playing F ball at a big ten school and was a philosophy major. i overheard a group of students and  mid to late twenties gentleman discussing philosopy. it was an informal group, but i had heard them interacting a few times. So one day i decided to join in. I did three or four more times and one day one of the older guys and his friend invited me to a party. i said sure and they were going to pick me up at the coffee shop. After having a coffee we left and something wasnt right. The one gentleman who was quite passive became overly aggressive with his friend who was always the more outspoken of the two,he beacame very obediant and passive.  Then i started feeling funny, they had drugged me. In the car i asked them to pull over to take a leak, i just started running. I ran about 3 miles and went to the coffee shop for a soda water with lemon. They were there waiting, the one guy had this evil look on his face like i got away, he was licking blood off one of his his fingers and just stared at me. Glad i didnt make it to that party!

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4 minutes ago, juniper said:

I have a wild one, when in college i used to frequent a coffee shop alot. I was playing F ball at a big ten school and was a philosophy major. i overheard a group of students and  mid to late twenties gentleman discussing philosopy. it was an informal group, but i had heard them interacting a few times. So one day i decided to join in. I did three or four more times and one day one of the older guys and his friend invited me to a party. i said sure and they were going to pick me up at the coffee shop. After having a coffee we left and something wasnt right. The one gentleman who was quite passive became overly aggressive with his friend who was always the more outspoken of the two,he beacame very obediant and passive.  Then i started feeling funny, they had drugged me. In the car i asked them to pull over to take a leak, i just started running. I ran about 3 miles and went to the coffee shop for a soda water with lemon. They were there waiting, the one guy had this evil look on his face like i got away, he was licking blood off one of his his fingers and just stared at me. Glad i didnt make it to that party!

I hate when that happens.

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11 hours ago, tigerwoodKhorns said:

 

I remember coming home really drunk and late one night when I was a teenager and throwing up on the carpet. 

This reminds me of a teen ‘moment’. Came home in a similar drunken state and made it all the way to the bathroom. Had to sit on the toilet to make sure the urine targets were hit. Jeans and tighty whitey’s around the ankles thar I sat whence a huge wave of nausea overwhelmed my world. Thinking quickly I loaded my awaiting pants to avoid painting the entire room. The next great idea was to wash the pants/undies, etc. So I reached down and grabbed the pile and inadvertently got the corner of the wall to wall carpet. It all came up real easily. I did not notice the carpet chunk until I was throwing it all into the washer. I decided it was dirty too so it all got washed......... then dried. The chunk-o-carpet had frayed and was shrunk........... badly. Lots of explaining required. Finally dad convinced mom that it wasn’t smart to have carpeted the bathroom anyway. Dodged a little of that bullet.

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14 hours ago, BigStewMan said:

Yeah, Mr. Clean’s story is gonna be hard to beat. 

When my daughter was a baby, i was holding her in one arm and eating a sandwich with my free hand. Well, sometimes a baby’s poop is yellow. I notice some yellow on my forearm. I thought it was a blob of mustard from my sandwich -- I CAME CLOSE, but DIDN’T lick it off my arm. something inside me told me not to and when i checked, it was the leaky diaper. Still grateful.

 

I just threw up in my mouth a little.  I really did gag when I read this.🤢

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Ok Stew.  I fed my son prune baby food once.  When changing his diaper he let fly more.  Right in mid change this giant spewage squirted with such force that I barely had time to react by holding the diaper up at a perpendicular angle and jumped back with arm outstretched.  The shit jet bounced off the diaper and hit the far wall.  Quick reflexes are sometimes a great thing, sometimes not.  This time they were.  I never fed him prune juice again.

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17 minutes ago, tigerwoodKhorns said:

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

in case you're ever on Jeopardy and the subject is me ... here's a fun fact -- I haven't throw up since December 1989.

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25 minutes ago, oldtimer said:

Ok Stew.  I fed my son prune baby food once.  When changing his diaper he let fly more.  Right in mid change this giant spewage squirted with such force that I barely had time to react by holding the diaper up at a perpendicular angle and jumped back with arm outstretched.  The shit jet bounced off the diaper and hit the far wall.  Quick reflexes are sometimes a great thing, sometimes not.  This time they were.  I never fed him prune juice again.

That sounds like a serious talent.  Not sure for what, but a talent nonetheless.

 

 

Reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me years ago.  He was in his 20s and had a booty call in the middle of the night. In the morning, he woke up letting out the biggest fart you can imagine. She woke up too so he pretended he was asleep.  She just kind of said huh and went back to sleep.  He realized he was in the clear and let himself go back to sleep. 

 

He woke up about a half hour later and said hey, lets go downstairs and get something to eat.  They were both still naked and when he got up there was a little rock or maybe a piece of plastic in the bed.  He took a closer look and realized, HOLY CRAP, THERE IS A SMALL TURD IN THE BED!!!   It must have flew out when he farted. 

 

He went into panic mode.  Crisis, situation, what do I do, she is going to turn around and see this.  Him standing there naked staring at a turd in the bed that she just got out of. 

 

So, sweat forming on his brow, quick thinking, he had the answer!!   it was so obvious, he plopped his naked butt on top of the turd and told her to go downstairs and he would be down soon. 

 

She said, no I want to wait.  Oh boy, here we go.  

 

No, really, please go downstairs and wait for me (this while sitting on a piece of shit, buck naked with a very hot lady also naked talking to him).  No really, I'll be down in a few minutes.  After a little of this, she finally agreed to put her clothes back on and go downstairs.  As good as she looked, sex was the last thing on his mind!

 

Now think mission impossible, he had about two minutes to fix this.  Get up. shut the door and lock it.  Grab a tissue, get the turd and give it a proper burial at sea.  Washcloth with some soap, wipe down the backside, wash hands, make the bed (a very important step!) then get dressed and go downstairs.

 

One problem, he went downstairs with no alibi.  She asked what that was all about. Oh crap!!! Sweat forming on the forehead, think,  hmm, didn't plan for the interrogation.  Just say something, anything, just make this stop.   

 

'Uhhh, I had to go to the bathroom and didn't want you in the room.'  Wheeew!  Brilliant.  He didn't know where it came from but he was sure he was a genius in that moment.  Likely his greatest academic achievement. 

 

She bought it, or at least seemed to.  She said oh, that was OK.  Thinking to himself, oh yea, you'd be running out of here like you were in downtown Tokyo when Godzilla was coming if you saw the projectile in the bed that they just defiled last night. 

 

And a mental note, can't use that excuse again...at least with her.🤣

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this gal was telling me about when she was having one of her children. The doctor is yelling for her to "PUSH PUSH PUSH". so she does ... and craps all over the place. I'm pretty sure he meant push out the baby.

The doctor wasn't that happy, but I imagine it wasn't the first time something like that has happened. 

 

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4 hours ago, BigStewMan said:

this gal was telling me about when she was having one of her children. The doctor is yelling for her to "PUSH PUSH PUSH". so she does ... and craps all over the place. I'm pretty sure he meant push out the baby.

The doctor wasn't that happy, but I imagine it wasn't the first time something like that has happened. 

 

That one is on the doctor. It is not uncommon for women to ‘evacuate’ during labor. They keep big ole buckets in L&D just for this purpose. 

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