MyOwn Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 A friend of mine has a teenage daughter that is running the house hold..... Shelly my friend confides in me that her daughter Bri that is in High School, only 17 has a guy spending the night.... Me personally I would be doing some Whoop *** on Bri...My House My Rules....Your to damn young for such things...If you don't like my rules than there is the door and get out... Shelly....What if she runs away??? or worse yet kills herself??? Me....She might run away, I don't think she will ever kill herself.... Shelly, I cant do that.... I raised two great kids, my Son and my Daughter on my own...Mom walked out very early, they were 4 and 2 when Mom walked.... My point I never let my kids control my house, sure I had problems with both but they never disrespected my house rules.... I simply don't get this, I offered my opinion to Shelly but it goes in one ear and out the other.... So here are my thoughts....Dad's are absolutely needed to lay down the house hold law... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebuy Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Parents have to be parents and not friends to children. Today's parents don't have the guts to be parents--That's not P.C. Edited October 10, 2015 by rebuy 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I can't resist. Who are today's parents? How old are they and what generation are most of them in? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJkizak Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I was an out of control teenager and still am but I have employed the "Spock" method of mind control discipline. Now back to my Led Zeppelin. JJK 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebuy Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 You know who "They" are--they're "Them"--not us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Mostly a lot of them, and not a lot of us (name that reference). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebuy Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I know it but having trouble placing it--but I'm thinking Firesign Theater. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyOwn Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Parents have to be parents and not friends to children. Today's parents don't have the guts to be parents--That's not P.C. I can't resist. Who are today's parents? How old are they and what generation are most of them in?Bri Bri comes from a broken family...Divorced years ago because Dad was into drugs, Shelly seen the bad from this and left his ***.. Bri is a great kid but she needs a reality check and Shelly is just trying to keep the peace... Broken families suck... There is a reason for Mom and Dad...There is a reason for kids to have both available without divorce... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebuy Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I understand but parents can't let their kids take over. Even if it is just one parent--someone has to be in Charge-or kids will run amok. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyOwn Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 I understand but parents can't let their kids take over. Even if it is just one parent--someone has to be in Charge-or kids will run amok. Absolutely agree....I had a problem with my son years ago...He decided to take a car that I let him use for getting back and forth to school and work to KC with a bunch of his friends...I found out about this and went completely ballistic....It is still brought up by him and he says Thank You Dad :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Travis In Austin Posted October 10, 2015 Moderators Share Posted October 10, 2015 Parents have to be parents and not friends to children. Today's parents don't have the guts to be parents--That's not P.C. I have seen Steve in action, he has the guts to be a parent. My sister and her husband raised two overachievers. When you let em run amuck it leads to problems. The biggest problem kids I have had as clients were from the wealthy high school, both parents were professionals and they threw money at the situation. Cars, trips, etc. If they get straight A's I say let em do what they want. If they are struggling with school you need to do everything you can to correct that, or they are going to be living with you forever. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Parents have to be parents and not friends to children. Today's parents don't have the guts to be parents--That's not P.C. I can't resist. Who are today's parents? How old are they and what generation are most of them in?Bri Bri comes from a broken family...Divorced years ago because Dad was into drugs, Shelly seen the bad from this and left his ***.. Bri is a great kid but she needs a reality check and Shelly is just trying to keep the peace... Broken families suck... There is a reason for Mom and Dad...There is a reason for kids to have both available without divorce... Broken families don't necessarily mean the kids will be disrespectful. I came from parents that died of AIDS from heroin use and sharing needles, my father pimped off my mother for money, and as kids I would get locked out of the house with my younger brother and sister while my mother was screwing some John. I got daily beatings from my father, and when I was 6 months old had both my legs, 1 arm, and my skull fractured. My mother and father got up and left the state to avoid getting into trouble I was a straight A student, in gifted and talented throughout my schooling, and own my own business. What it showed me was that I didn't want to be a loser like they were and made the choice to take it upon myself to better my situation. I have 4 kids now,3 are honor students with 2 being in the honor society, and the other is mixed with A-B's. It has nothing to do with having 2 parents, it has to do with your beliefs and making sure you instill good habits and rules into the kids so they can learn to be a contributor in society. When my kids were old enough to understand things, I sat each and every one of them down and explained to them that my job as their father was to mold them as a child, teach them right and wrong, and that as a child, I was their father 1st and their friend 2nd. As they got older I would then be their friend 1st, and their father 2nd. My 10 year old told his teachers this as they asked me why he was so mature for his age,and that it was like talking to an adult for the most part. In my opinion it takes a strong person that isn't victim based in their thought process when raising a child. IE- Oh I don't want to stress out poor Johnny or Mary because I got divorced. I mean no disrespect in saying this either to anyone. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wvu80 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) If they get straight A's I say let em do what they want. If they are struggling with school you need to do everything you can to correct that, or they are going to be living with you forever. You know, ten years ago I would have agreed with that. But now I think differently based on what I've seen in my little world with my son's friends. I know a kid who made the straight A's, and was first chair in jazz, marching and symphonic band (with regional honors) and a state championship athlete. He was successful at the highest level at everything he did. His parents let him go in HS because he was so successful, but he later failed at the next level (college). Speaking from my point of view, I would never have suspected he needed further guidance, but he did, and unfortunately that was discovered too late, after the fact. Even successful kids sometimes need the continued diligence of their parents. Edited October 10, 2015 by wvu80 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dude Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I think it depens on if they are girls or boys, and what postion they are(only child, middle child, and so forth). My mom and step dad didn't have much to offer, they did what they could to make ends meet. My older brother and younger sister had the same dad, i was an affair child one could say, except my parents were married at one point. As I became a teen, my brother was heading down the wrong path so my mom focused on him, my dad was more into his new family and my step dad babied my younger sister. This pushed me to be more independent, I went through a wild stage at one point, but by the time I was 18 I was on my own making it work. I just got it, some kids do some don't. I will say there seems to be more and more these days of ones not getting it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiet_Hollow Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Children can be entertaining to watch as they go about learning things, but there's one critical distinction parents today (more than ever) need to come terms with.... Kids are not put on this earth as entertainment for adults. It is not cool to poke fun at, prank, laugh at, or scare the s**t out of your kid or other kids just for a quick laugh or a lame attempt at a viral video. As others have said, as adults we are not their "friends," we are their mentors. Folks need to lead by example....don't make an example, because they are watching and feeling everything. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teaman Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 It sucks. Kids these days are fragile. I grew up in a single mom household with two kids. Dad never paid a cent and Mom lived month to month on Mother's allowance checks back in Canada. My dad, and later step dad were raging alcoholics. I went straight and narrow, never got into drugs and always had a job. My sister has never been sober in the last thirty years. She has been in and out of rehab, a couple stints in jail and now awaiting sentencing for more drug offences. There are right roads and wrong roads, the choice is up to the kids. All we can do is guide them. On the other hand, my stepson just commited suicide last October because "life was tough and unfair". I miss him everyday, but I don't blame myself for his actions. He had everything. He scored the second highest math test scores in the history of EMU. He was accepted (before dropping out) to the Naval Nuclear Program and tested in with the top 2% of scores when he was only 17. He was only 25 and newly married and had a life of potential and promise ahead of him. When it came to book smart he put everyone to shame, when it came to life smarts....every day was a struggle. We encouraged him constantly to do the right thing. He rebelled against us a lot of times just because he was "smarter" than we were. Even though mom and myself supported him constantly he pushed us away time and again. Years of counselling made little difference. The way kids think today has changed. They have a sense of entitlement. The PC of the world encourages kids to sit back and things will come to them. This is not, nor will it ever be the case. Unfortunately hard work no longer pays off. You may be the most talented man or woman in the shop yet you are held back because some snot nosed kid has a piece of paper that you don't. Only thing I can tell you is to continue to work hard. In this particular case I say tread lightly. If this kid has been through a lot she may in fact run away, or end up killing herself. Life does not mean much to this generation. They are happy to threaten and then follow up on their promises. Losing a kid is not worth proving a point. I would seek out a good counsellor, maybe with a church group or something. Try to steer Bri to finding new friends. Ususally the friends are teh influence driving the wedges between everyone. I agree that you cannot be a best friend to your kid, but you can no longer be only a disciplinarian to them. That approach worked when we were kids, not with the kids today. When i disobeyed my dad threatened to smack the sh*t out of me, which in turn petrified me. Today when the kids feel threatened the kids call the cops and charge Dad with threats. BAck in the day the police told you the dad should kick your a**, today the police follow the guidelines and indeed charge dad. Sad state of affairs. I wish your friend all the best. Every day is a challenge with my two teenage daughters. As hard as we try to help, outside influences work against us. Today in the seventh grade my daughter was under lockdown at her school because a new student who had recently been expelled from the last school she attended decided to take off her shirt and bra in math class and then proceeded to throw things around the classroom threatening everyone. The police had to be called and took her away.....like wtf was that about. The world is not the same as when we grew up, it just isn't. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiminSTL Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Principle, consistency, firmness, love, and self-sacrifice. The comments above reflect some/all of those in varying degrees and relative importance. The Bible tells us to not "provoke your children to anger". It also tells us that the parent who really loves his child will lead, guide, advise, restrain, praise, reward, rebuke, discipline, and let go. The what, the when, the how much, the order of all these--the tough part. But, I have witnessed my own son, as a young teenager (with all that he was going through on his own, and all that he was going through as a result of my own waywardness) started to go down a very wrong path. I was very clear, and very short and to the point, that there were 3 rules in my house. Live by them, and live well. Defy them, and you will be gone. Military school, jail, whatever. Your choice. The rules: 1) Do nothing illegal under this roof, 2) Do nothing immoral under this roof, and 3) Do nothing to harm anyone who lives under this roof. Abide by those rules, and you are welcome. Defy them and you are gone. Period. He KNEW that I meant what I said--for the GOOD of all. Not necessary, not going to be a huge amount of turmoil and hand-wringing and guilt and agony. Simply, live right and stay. Live wrong and be at the mercy of a cruel world. The truth is that once a person reaches reasonable understanding in/of Life, you cannot care more about the outcome he produces than he does, or events and results in his life than he does, or what is wrong in his life will predominate. Sometimes, we simply will not be tamed until we submit. My thoughts and experiences anyway. Edited October 10, 2015 by JiminSTL 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedcrankcammer Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 All I have to add to this is it is too late to correct this girls problems at 17. Whip her butt and set concrete boundaries young and there will be no problems. Your friend FAILED at being a parent! Roger 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minermark Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thank my lucky stars i got my kids raised just fine and down the road before "Family Court System" was fully installed in the US. The Family Cout system came in a good way, lots of welfare kids getting beatin up, it worked well when it was a simple system. Lawmakers seeing the money to be made on this, expanded it to what it is today, they have their own brand new court houses, their own Judges and their own enforcement as well as the cops whenever they need them. one tidy little system eh? You just do not see or hear about abused kids anymore, anywhere. Giving your kid a wack with a belt for burning the house down? Next day he will not be coming home from school because everyone knows he got punished, and someone got the word to a teacher, and there ya go. Cps will take the Kid(s) from school and you will be called where ever you are and informed you need to come down and see them, and at that time you are arrested for child abuse. You can visit your kids, there is NO getting them back anytime soon. CPS gives you a set of "Rules to conform to" to be a "Proper Parent". Proper parenting will be determined by therpy of their choice and of course you Pay. After you get a lawyer and go to "Family Court" they have an entire plan set up for you to get your kids back, takes a year or more, and by the way, they are now considered "Foster kids" and the foster kids program falls under the control of Family Court! Since your kids are now in the Foster system, each foster family keeping your kid(s) get $1300 to $1700 per kid per Mo. You WILL be charged for this also. the IRS is the enforcement arm this time. You will end up without a home, and be lucky to maintain your job if you can keep it, there is far more money going out than coming in, everything you worked for will evaporate. After a good year of the Family Court system cleaning you out, you of course will not have enough money for "Proper Parenting" I have first hand observation of this senerio, watched my sister go through it. Raising a kid Proper is now a fixed system, family courts is counting on you to displine little johnny. You as a parent will comply with the system, you see what happens if you do not? Keep in mind the way this system is set up, if little Becky goes to school pizzed off at you, all she needs is a story, and you are toast. Been wanting to share this story for a long, long time. Our Govt sucks. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiminSTL Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 teaman, how sad. For him. For you, for your wife, and all who loved and ache for your stepson. Sadly, you have known first-hand that Life is not "fair" or by nature "good". Christ consented to be crucified that we might, in the end, recover from Life, and find the goodness, the delight, and the eternity of those states with Him. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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