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You know your in trouble with the wife when....


thebes

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Former New York deputy mayor Stephen Goldsmith was arrested in late
July in the District for domestic violence in a dispute with his wife in
their Georgetown townhouse.


According to an Associated Press report, D.C. police said that
Goldsmith, 64, shoved his wife, Margaret, 59, into a kitchen counter
after she told him she “should have put a bullet through” him “years
ago.”

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she “should have put a bullet through” him “years
ago.”

Now it's possible she said it cause she had just finished reading a film noir short story from a 1950's "Ellery Queen" pulp mag she found in the bottom of an old chest, or

she, really, really meant it.

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"'It's very hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin.' That's what she told the police when she handed them the empty revolver."

Scarlatti Tilt by Richard Brautigan. Quite possibly the best short story of all time.

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"Bedtime Story" by Jeffrey Whitmore.

"Careful, honey, it's loaded," he said, re-entering the bedroom.
Her back rested against the headboard. "This for your wife?"
"No. Too chancy. I'm hiring a professional."
"How about me?"
He smirked. "Cute. But who'd be dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?"
She wet her lips, sighting along the barrel.
"Your wife."

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"'It's very hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who's learning to play the violin.' That's what she told the police when she handed them the empty revolver."

Scarlatti Tilt by Richard Brautigan. Quite possibly the best short story of all time.

Yeah, but, this is real life, and in the heat of the moment she tossed off a one liner any writer could only dream of coming up with. If Brautigan saw this he'd be on the phone trying to line up a date with her.

I have been mixing this line into my conversation all week long with great dramatic effect slash hilarity. Go ahead. Try this one out on friends, loved ones and random strangers and she how they take it.

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"Wives don't kill husbands. Wives with bullets in their guns do."

The statistics show that women kill their husband and/or children more often than the reverse.

You know you're deranged when you're standing over your dead wife with the smoking gun in your hand, call 911, and start singing 'ding-dong the witch is dead, the witch is dead..........."

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