Parenting: The morning routine.

[m00n]

I'm looking for input from existing parents, parents whom have been in our situation and have found creative ways to cope and fix the problem without yelling every morning at their kids.

The problem is, both my wife and I work, we have two children to get ready and out the door every morning. Our eight year old just pokes around in the morning. Example, I will get him a bowl of cereal for breakfast, I will head into the shower, after my shower I'll come back to see that it looks as if he's taken only two bites of his breakfast at best. It just irritates me to the Nth degree. I then get angry and harp on him to hurry. Every day it's like this.

I know there are obvious things we can do, but as I mentioned, I'm looking for input from people who have been here, who have delt with it in a productive and effective mannor while keeping everyone happy.

Thanks!

[JohnA]

Moon,

We have one of those. yopu can put him to bed an hour earlier, even if it is 7PM and his actions must have consequences. Fix him breakfast. If he doesn't eat it during the time allotted, pour it out and send him to brush his teeth, and head to the car. No yelling, no atitude, just do it calmly. Make sure the wife agrees first. No child has ever been under nourished with food in front of him.

Eventually, he will get hungry and eat, and/or learn time management. When it is 6:50, the wife's car leaves and Mark is in it even if he has to carry his pants and shoes and dress in the car. He doesn't like that, so he is at least dressed, now.

[billyjoe72]

I agree. Being calm is the hardest thing. Remember us growing up and going to bed without supper or something of that line. They'll learn. Problem is, other parents catching wind of the no supper or breakfast sticking their noses in your business. They can be relentless. " You shouldn't do that to your child. Blah Blah Blah ".

Like said before, no kid has ever died of hunger from missing a meal. All our options have been taken away from us. Timeout.....Please. I wish someone would put ME in a timeout for a nap. I have a problem right now with my 12 year old boy not brushing teeth, hair, or showering. He's a stinky bumb.[] I have to tell him EVERY day to do these things. Just all of a sudden doesn't want to shower and clean up. I guess thats normal. It gets frustrating.

Toodles

[kingnothing]

Hi Moon,

I'm a single parent raising 2 children ages 11 + 13. I have had custody for 8 years now. My kids started doing their own breakfast thing around 4 years ago. I don't care if they have cereal, toast, poptarts or donuts but they are responsable for cleaning up. Thinking back, I believe they enjoyed making their own selection. Of course, they're will be a few messes like pouring milk too fast so they may need help with but they learn. The funniest thing is they have no clue how to pour cereal so make sure you teach them to open one side of the bag all the way and flatten out the side and it will pour freely.

I probally blow my stack once per month. I'll toss out their friends, chew them out, tell them what I want done (NOW), go in the family room, slam the door and put on some rock n roll and crank it up on my sweet RF-7's

Best of luck,

Bob[]

[jerohm]

maybe just the threat of this http://www.mightypets.com/product.asp?3=1602 would help [] I don't mean to make light of a trying situation, but it has been YEARS since I had to deal with such, and I always find humor seems to help.

[Coytee]

Still have your sales receipt?

[:$] []

[customsteve01]

I was thinking the same thing. You just need to make sure the remote is waterproof so you can use it in the shower. I think a cattle prod would work too[li]

Steve

[garymd]

I know this isn't any help but I thank God every day that those days are behind me! I love my kids and miss them dearly but I DO NOT miss the morning routine OR the evening routine. My son ate nothing but pizza and macaroni & cheese for his first five years of life. It's amazing he turned out as well as he did.

At one point when he wouldn't eat dinner without it becoming a screaming match, we began bribing him. Looking back, this was probably the dumbest thing we ever did. We had a picture of a rocket ship on the refrigerator and would color in one section every time he ate all his dinner without any problems. When the 10 or so sections of the rocket were colored in, we'd take him to Toys R Us and he could get a little toy. I think Transformers were the big toy of that era and only cost about $5 each. I know it was a cop-out of sorts but it worked.

Good luck!! I can hardly get myself out of the house on time these days!!

[mark1101]

I'm with Gary, I had ALL that from 3 in a row each 2 years apart. Now they are teenagers and the challenges are there but are different.

My suggestion would be this: He's a kid, doing what kids do. He sounds like a good kid.

The fix is dad should go work out for 1/2 an hour, perhaps a morning run, or even a beer after work and JUST RELAX.

It's not going to go away anytime soon. You will think of a reasonable solution once you relax.

[H]

[m00n]

I'm with Gary, I had ALL that from 3 in a row each 2 years apart. Now they are teenagers and the challenges are there but are different.

My suggestion would be this: He's a kid, doing what kids do. He sounds like a good kid.

The fix is dad should go work out for 1/2 an hour, perhaps a morning run, or even a beer after work and JUST RELAX.

It's not going to go away anytime soon. You will think of a reasonable solution once you relax.

[H]

I know, but it's the old military in me I suppose.

[garymd]

Just beat the crap out of them Rick. Works every time.[]

You know I'm kidding of course.

[jacksonbart]

Perhaps its the type of cereal, could be time for a switch for your little tike. Perhaps this would get him moving in the morning.

[mike stehr]

Just beat the crap out of them Rick. Works every time.[]

You know I'm kidding of course.

No, don't beat him Rick, just lock him in the closet for a couple weeks. You'll be certain he'll eat that cereal then......just tell CPS your giving him survival training.[]

[damonrpayne]

My breakfast of choice is pop tarts and Nutrigrain bars which the kiddo can eat in my car, then breakfast is not an issue. Its very hard not to yell, I do a little "firm speaking" every day [] I am dreading when she gets older and no doubt strong willed like her mother and father.

[mark1101]

You could always force him to down a Red Bull or an Adrenaline Rush instead of cereal. That oughta fix him (kidding).

True story. Last summer we went on our family vacation and at one point I had all the kids for an afternoon (3 families worth). Well, one of my nephews is the absolute most hyper son-of-a-gun you ever want to meet. We were on Hilton Head at our condo and we all rode bikes to the general store to get drinks. It was hot as a pistol outside.

Well some of the kids "peer pressured" my hyper nephew into drinking a Red Bull. He's 11. I let him have it just to see. He had a hard time getting it down at first. But he did it. Hey...vacation...what can I say. The grown ups need to have fun too.

Then, we brought him back to his mom and watched him crank for awhile. But no harm done.....I guess.

So, you can try that.[6][]

[edwinr]

You need to wait them out m00n. In a few years they'll get married and leave home, then it's all over.

Hang on. What if... after they're married the kids and their spouses move in with you? Then THEY have kids. Then it starts all over again! OMG! [^o)]

[ScorpsFan]

Moon,

Always worked on the praise and reward system with my son. Had him come up with a list of what he was willing to do for what he was willing to get. ex: bed made, breakfast for himself, washed up, dressed and ready to go, more chores added as he got older, in exchange for something he wanted, movie, time on nintendo, zoo, building a model plane together, etc. If he failed to complete his chores, he lost out on the reward or it was reduced accordingly based on the time necessary for him to complete the chores before getting the reward. Conversely bad behavior resulted in time in his room (no tv, games, etc. Although books were allowed) I can count on one hand the number of spankings he got. He's out on his own, going to college part-time and working full time with some financial help (tuition, books and some spending money) It does get better and like most have said keeping patient is hardest for the parent. I did find that listening to my son and allowing him to "air his thoughts" on a regular basis even when he was young, so he and I both understood "where we were coming from" greatly helped and he still stops by regularly "just to spend a day with dad" and talk music and HT (he has a nice little setup, but he keeps eyeing mine) As they said in Miracle on 34th Street, "maybe I didn't do such a great thing after all", meaning he was invested enough that I credit him with doing the growing-up, all I did was make some "minor tweaks" along the way. Best of Luck!

[Tom Adams]

Well m00n - I think if you take a step back and look at the dynamics that are going on between you & him, the answer to your solution will be realized. In a nutshell, it's the classic tail wagging the dog. You yelling at him sends the message that you ARE NOT in control which means HE IS. The result is that he feels he is controlling the situation and therefore has the power.

My step-daughter learned long ago that life boils down to one simple fact: good choices lead to good things and bad choices lead to bad things. Accountability & responsibility all extend from that. Last weekend I saw her riding her razor scooter in flip-flops. We mentioned to her once before what might happen to her toes. I didn't say anything. Sure enough, minutes later I hear her crying, go to check on her and she's got a skinned up big toe. After making sure she was ok and once she settled down a bit, she was asked a question while the sting was still there: "Your Mom suggested to you that riding in flip-flops wasn't too smart. But you did anyway. Was that a good choice or a bad choice?" She says, "It was a bad choice." The follow-up, "So did a good thing happen or a bad thing?" She says, "A bad thing."

I absolutely agree that you should be calm, express what your expectations are, and stick to your expectations. And you should also let him know that you will never climb his case for not meeting an expectation if that expectation was not communicated. This demonstrates to him that you too have some responsibility & accountability and that you'll "walk the talk". I would explain in very clear terms that you understand the game he's playing and that it's time he learns what accountability and responsibility are all about and that he absolutely "owns" his choices and everything that comes with it. Personally, I think bribes are a short term solution that yeilds no real "training" that a person needs in the real world. Remember - behaviors are learned, you're not born with them.

Tom

[Trey Cannon]

Rick,

You know I fell your pain. I have the same job in the morning. (only my little one is a girl)

We have good days and bad days.

We watch the clock. ( 10 min until the bus......5 min.......hurry, RUN! ....ok get in the truck)

I will be watching the answers....

[mungkiman]

Mean what you say, and say what you mean, and get them to understand that there are consequences for their actions.

Consistency is important for them not to second guess what you are telling them.

Bribes don't work, but a reward system can.

Good luck.