backlog Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 On 1/22/2024 at 8:55 PM, Woofers and Tweeters said: I still don't get it. 😆 Everyone has freeze brain except the one without one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backlog Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 On 1/28/2024 at 12:41 PM, Woofers and Tweeters said: Things people that were actually said in court, word for word: Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? This made me think of 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 25 minutes ago, backlog said: On 1/22/2024 at 8:55 PM, Woofers and Tweeters said: I still don't get it. 😆 Everyone has freeze brain except the one without one. And I thought that my response was funny. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1291 Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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YK Thom Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 72 year old Yitzhak has just entered his shul and sat down when he sees Hymie, an old friend of his, sitting on the other side of the shul, with a young blonde woman at his side. At the end of the service, as he is leaving, Yitzhak sees Hymie walking away arm in arm with this woman. So he discreetly follows them into the local park and from a distance, watches them cavort around just like youngsters. When they finish locked in each other’s arms, Yitzhak thinks, "Oy, did they enjoy themselves!" Next shabbat, Yitzhak enters his shul, sits down, and again sees Hymie, but this time with a different young woman at his side. And then, later on during the service, Hymie gets the Hagbah aliyah, and is soon holding the Torah above his head and spinning around as if he were 20 years old. So at the end of the service, Yitzhak goes over to Hymie, congratulates him, and asks, "So what's going on with you Hymie? Are you on drugs or what?" Hymie replies, "I don't want to talk about it here. Come with me into the Mens Room and I'll explain." When they get there, Hymie says, "I've recently had a shmeckle transplant, donated by the family of a young man killed in a car accident." When Hymie then shows Yitzhak his 8" strong looking shmeckle, Yitzhak says, "Oy vey, that’s fantastic," and then takes the name of the surgeon who had performed the transplant. Within days, Yitzhak has made an appointment to see the surgeon privately. After hearing the details, Yitzhak asks, "So could I have the same operation?" The surgeon replies, "No problem." Yitzhak asks him, "So how much will such an operation cost me?" "If it's the same as your friend Hymie had, it will cost you $10,000," replies the surgeon. Yitzhak says, "Oy doctor, that's too much. I'm not as rich as Hymie." The surgeon says, "That's OK, I have a number of penises available from $100 upwards. You choose." Yitzhak chooses the cheapest one for $100. Hymie and Yitzhak meet up in shul a few weeks later. Yitzhak shuffles in and Hymie goes over to him, slaps him on the back and quietly says, "So nu? How did the Operation go?" Yitzhak replies, "It went OK, but I don’t really feel any different." So Hymie says, "let’s go to the Men’s Room so that I can have a peep." When Yitzhak takes it out, Hymie gives a bellow of laughter and says, "He gave you my old one!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 25 minutes ago, YK Thom said: "He gave you my old one!" True story? 🧐 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some arshole out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." Really replied the manager, "My wife is from Minnesota!!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?" 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GloriaDevis Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 Honestly, I wasn't feeling well today. I had a tough day and was completely exhausted, but your jokes cheered me up! Thank you. I'm laughing out loud. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1291 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWOReilly Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 10 minutes ago, Dave1291 said: Now it’s in my head forever. Any time someone says in a minute. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1291 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1291 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 It'll work now for sure. Mcminute! 😂😂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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