Shakeydeal Posted August 12, 2022 Share Posted August 12, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shakeydeal Posted August 12, 2022 Share Posted August 12, 2022 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelwjones Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 If a grammarian walked into a bar... • An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. • A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly. • A bar was walked into by the passive voice. • An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening. • Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.” • A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite. • Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything. • A question mark walks into a bar? • A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. • Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type." • A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud. • A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. • Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. • A synonym strolls into a tavern. • At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack. • A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment. • Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor. • A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered. • An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel. • The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known. • A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph. • The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. • A dyslexic walks into a bra. • A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. • A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert. • A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget. • A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelwjones Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 From ASR: 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Gregory Posted September 17, 2022 Share Posted September 17, 2022 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvel Posted September 19, 2022 Author Share Posted September 19, 2022 At least it's audio related... 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artto Posted September 21, 2022 Share Posted September 21, 2022 Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said: “Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: “Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said: “Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.” Stormy was outraged and asked, “What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?” “Sorry, Stormy,” said the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Gregory Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 You are safe if you’re wearing shoes with rubber heels…..,, right ? 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1291 Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 Just don't drop the plug in the water... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Gregory Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmlowz Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 The Wife wanted to go somewhere warm for Christmas. I did not want to disappoint her. I went all out and spent the cash. I turned the thermostat up to 62 degrees 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines: 1. What was your income for the year? 2. What were your expenses? 3. How much have you left? 4. Send it in. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Gregory Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtimer Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 On 12/24/2022 at 11:09 AM, OO1 said: According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines: 1. What was your income for the year? 2. What were your expenses? 3. How much have you left? 4. Send it in. Tax reform, 2018. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OO1 Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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