CECAA850 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 1 hour ago, USNRET said: Speaking of bubble gum....what goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and gooey? Um bubble gum? You're new at this joke telling stuff aren't you? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.I said, ‘I sure did!’ and held up my thumb to show her. . .She fainted. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Speaking of, what might this be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Matthews Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Looks like a picture of a dog encountering a bird on the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DizRotus Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 On 11/18/2016 at 9:01 AM, CECAA850 said: What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? My wife answered this correctly, but she forgot to phrase it in the form of a question, so Alex ruled against her. Quote A synonym roll. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 6 minutes ago, DizRotus said: My wife answered this correctly, but she forgot to phrase it in the form of a question, so Alex ruled against her. She can make it up in the daily double. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungkiman Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 3 hours ago, Jeff Matthews said: Looks like a picture of a dog encountering a bird on the ground. Turn your head 90 degrees counter clockwise... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtr20 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Well Donald Trump made history last week. He was the first man to win an argument against a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 3 minutes ago, dtr20 said: Well Donald Trump made history last week. He was the first man to win an argument against a woman. We try to stay away from comments about H or D. It tends to keep threads open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtr20 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Just now, CECAA850 said: We try to stay away from comments about H or D. It tends to keep threads open. I thought this was safe since it didn't favor any side or make fun of any side Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 2 minutes ago, dtr20 said: I thought this was safe since it didn't favor any side or make fun of any side How you mean it and where people take it can be 2 completely different things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JL Sargent Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - a building can't jump at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CECAA850 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofers and Tweeters Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to submarines...Addressing boat sailors at Groton, SUBLANT advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50.* Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $100.* Are there any questions?" Just then, a crusty Master Chief stood up and inquired: "How much for a season pass?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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