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Two muffins... sitting in an oven.

One muffin says the the other one... "DAMN, it's hot in here!".

The other muffin says... "Holy shyte, a talking muffin!"

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My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR' 

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.' 

I looked at her and said, 
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.' 

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

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After a long day of cnc programming my wife sends me this message..

 

Honey we need a gallon of milk if they have bananas get 6.

 

After carrying everything in she asks "WHY did you buy 6 gallons of milk?"

 

I replied... they HAD bananas.

 

I'll never understand her logic

 

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage

 

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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So a genie happens upon a group of ugly people and offers to grant each of them one wish.  The first says that she wants to be beautiful. With a snap of the fingers, she’s gorgeous.  The genie goes down the line and each ugly person wants to be beautiful -- and so they now are.  The last guy in line is laughing hysterically. The genie asks what his wish is and he says, “I wish they were all ugly again."

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Probably already here but I'm not searching 19 pages...

women fights.jpg

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Not really a Joke

Just making a point....

stereo party.jpg

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1 minute ago, rebuy said:

Not really a Joke

Just making a point....

stereo party.jpg

Tru dat.........

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55 minutes ago, rebuy said:

Not really a Joke

Just making a point....

stereo party.jpg

And the reason I give them what they need, then run them off is because if I let them stay they start piling chit on the speakers, like the candles in that picture. <_<

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A widow is at her husband's funeral, sitting in the front row.

 

One of the husband's friends taps her on the shoulder and asks, "may I get up and say something?"

 

She replies, "yes, please."

 

He stands up, walks to the front, clears his throat and says, "Plethora" and returns to his seat.

 

The woman turns around and says, "thank you, that means a lot."

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